Monday, 30 June 2014

Turn Back The Clock

There are some things I'm starting to miss in my life that make me really resent this condition I have called Epilepsy. I'm sure you've heard of it. Some people collapse without a moments warning, shaking uncontrollably before coming round in a daze and not having a clue what their own name is, never mind that of the current monarch. This was me five years ago and I thought I was going to die. Not to put too fine a point on it, it's a fucking crap condition to live with but it's one that is a part of me and therefore I have no choice but to get on with my life. Medication taken at twelve-hourly intervals keeps it under control but there's no saying I won't have another seizure at any time.

But I look after myself, you see. I don't drink, don't smoke, don't get too stressed unless my husband speaks to me, I eat healthy-ish, I exercise regularly, and I try to get plenty rest, even if it's just half an hour sitting on the bed staring into space. There have been times recently, however, where I've felt like murdering an alcoholic beverage - Southern Comfort, Baileys, Cider, Red Wine, all drinks I enjoyed far too regularly, once upon a time. I'd like to go and watch a movie at the cinema occasionally but the frequency in the projected images could affect the wires that don't quite fuse together in my brain. I'd like to go to a concert once in a while but I can't risk strobe or flashing lights.

In a parallel universe I can see myself bopping in a nightclub with a large glass in one hand, a ciggie in the other, and my high heels clicking the dance floor. I miss my 20s. They were easy and carefree. I'd like them back, just for a little while.


  1. Had no idea! The unpredictability of it must be so aggravating ! xx

  2. O Crystal. I can appreciate how epilepsy must limit what you want to do and must terrify you that you might be out of control in a place away from help or loved ones.Your last posts have not been happy ones and I sense something deeper is upsetting you. I don't want to say what in case I am wrong, but just want to let you know that your blogging friends are around to listen if you need an ear to talk/rant to. Hope things resolve soon.

  3. Thanks, Addy. You are right of course and I appreciate knowing blogging friends are there for me x

  4. I'm sorry to hear you have epilepsy. It must make life difficult for you. I think that we all yearn for our younger days at times, especially when we suffer from health problems that limit what we can do. My auntie was an inspiration to me as she suffered from a chronic health problem but she never let it get in the way of things so I try to think of her whenever my health problems get me down.

  5. It must be a worry living with the restrictions and uncertainty of epilepsy.

    My daughter has Coeliac Disease (a horrible name for a digestive condition) and she also says she really resents the restrictions of her diet. She wishes that she could eat what she wants and just take a pill to counteract the effects.
    I suppose that one day, it will be curable.
    Until then, we all have to live with our limitations, one way or another.

    I think you're doing a good job of being as healthy as possible.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  6. Can you watch movies on the IPad? I know it's not the same though...


Thank you for leaving a comment. I try my best to reply to each one individually.