I think back to being twelve years old and the endless summer days I spent outside with a group of friends. If we weren't on our bikes we were walking about, or simply standing on the cul-de-sac corner chatting and discussing everything from school to holidays, clothes to sport - anything to pass the time away. We didn't say "fuck" and we didn't hang around with bottles of cider. We just kept it simple; enjoying a carefree upbringing where our parents knew of our whereabouts, but also knew we were safe. I was lucky when I was growing up because we lived in a small cul-de-sac of about 20 houses where most of them contained kids the same age. My best friend lived next door to me; a beautiful blond girl the same age, who sadly passed away a few years ago. There were more boys than girls but that didn't matter. We treated each other as equals. We played cricket and football, played rounders and had running races and cycling races. On wet days we would go inside each other's houses and watch a VHS or listen to music. Back then, we still had Betamax Video Recorders as well, but they were starting to fizzle out. My friend next door had a pool table in their spare room and we would all congregate in there, about 12 of us. Her mum used to bring us drinks and snacks and leave us to it. We never caused a scrap of trouble because we were too busy enjoying ourselves.
I saw a program the other day, one of those house-buying shows where the buyers are given four houses to look at. One of the houses was beautiful (in my eyes) and had a stunning back garden with a little stream running through it. The couple had a young boy and that garden would have been perfect for him. It even had a tree house that the previous occupants had built for their kids. But the mother dismissed the house because she felt it would be too risky for her son. "That stream looks dangerous," she said. It was a stream for heaven's sake, with about an inch of water and probably about ten inches wide. "Too many steps, he might fall." Oh, please, I thought, he's an eight year old little boy and will want his mates to come round so they can camp in the garden and do little boy things. Over-protective? Or just caring? Remembering what we got up to when we were kids, I know what I think...
What did you used to do in the holidays to entertain yourself? And do you think we don't give our children enough freedom these days to be "children"?
Great post. I do agree that some parents are so over protective. When I was a kid we used to be out playing all day. I grew up on a council housing estate which was rough to say the least. But as kids we alway found great games to play despite any lack of funds. I remember when roller blades became popular and we all got some for xmas. Our favourite game was roller rugby. Basically it was rugby on roller blades. No rules. No safety equipment.On concrete! Boys and girls together. Despite it being the roughest game in the world none of us ever broke any bones lol. Can't imagine any kids being allowed to play that today!
ReplyDeleteYou've hit the nail on the head there when you mentioned lack of funds. Of course it isn't for all families I know, but so many kids nowadays feel they are missing out if they don't have the latest gadget. It's as if they can't make their own entertainment - and I do blame the parents for that. Sorry, but I do.
DeleteI agree, my mother had a business at home, not in the home, but just down the drive. We were pretty much always left to our own devices, all the time. We were happy and free without a care in the world! Times really have changed, everything and everyone is dangerous x
ReplyDeleteWhen that happens, children have no choice but to fend for themselves and that is very often a good thing for later life.
DeleteWhen I think what we used to get up to playing outside all day when I was a kid it's a wonder I'm still here! LOL I used to swing round a lamppost on a rope, hope acrosse stones in the canal, climb and ride my bike round the cobbled streets. Not sure I'd want my grandchildren to do all those things now though. ;)
ReplyDeleteHaha, but there might want to, just like you did!! It didn't do you any harm....!!
DeleteYour so right. Children miss out on so much fun and play these days compared to when we were kids. Health and Safety? Its all part of growing up, taking those knocks and bruises. Our mothers didn't know we were there especially in the school holidays. We were off, exploring the wide blue yonder, swimming in the beck, taking packed lunches with us, and we were all the better for it in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI'm sick of health and safety - it's gone way over the top and it's often down to all the ridiculousness of the obsession in being sued.
Deletethe world has changed from when we were kids...i just explained sex to my 9 year old this weekend because kids at school filled his head with a bunch of junk....we did not even think like that back then...not that early...
ReplyDeleteOuch, not good at that age. They're far too young to understand an adult world but I guess there will be kids at school who will say stuff you'd rather him not hear. Difficult one.
DeleteWell in my town in the 1970s some of the girls and boys were growing up at 12 and would have been discovering alcohol and other things, but before then most of us were just turned out after breakfast and told to come bak at lunch time, I'm not sure that our parents always knew exactly where we were, they just assumed that we would come home when we were hungry and not stray far. At 8 years old I was allowed to cycle to my best friend's house - 7 miles away in the country - and I didn't have to check in when I arrived either! I still like a text from my 19 year old to be sure that she is safe! How times have changed...
ReplyDeleteThey have changed considerably. I used to cycle everywhere at that age, too, and it didn't seem to be an issue - and we lived in the suburbs of a town.
DeleteI think children are expected to be little grown ups from the minute they start walking. My own granddaughter, who we don't see, is dressed in clothes like a mini model from the 60s, most inappropiate for a three year old in my view. As are piercings, nail varnish, shoes with platforms.... I could go on. I hate to see little girls made to look like miniatures of their mothers, most of the latter lacking in taste it has to be said. I hate the invasion and takeover of young children's lives by electronics, it appals me to see five year olds using a keyboard. Yes I know they have to get used to technology, but at five???
ReplyDeleteWe had a thing called imagination in my childhood in the 50s and into the early 60s... and freedom, respect for our elders. Again, I could go on.
Because of where we lived I didn't have playmates as a child to spend time with out of school hours, but never needed or missed them. As a young teen at school, again I was isolated, but in a different way... the only girl who went to a private convent school living on a bordering on the rough council estate. No wonder my parents couldn't wait to move... it was a stopgap whilst they saved for their very own first house.
These days although I miss my best friend (she died several years ago), I am not bothered about finding new friends to spend time with. Very much a loner and happy to be so.
I'm with you there, Maggie. I like to see little girls look like little girls and not be a replica of their mother. Amy is just the same as you were - she doesn't really have playmates out of school and doesn't miss them, though loves seeing them at school.
DeleteMy friends live in a house like you have described and they have blocked off the end of the garden so their boys don't fall in. It would be so beautiful. I spent my youth playing with friends in our cul de sac and climbing trees. We now live in a cul de sac and my boys are the only ones who are ever out the front learning to ride their bikes.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure they have their reasons for blocking off the garden but it really does limit their boys' play area doesn't it. I'm sure the boys would come to no harm and besides, they're probably now curious as to why it's been blocked off - which makes them more curious to explore...
DeleteThis is a difficult one. I agree with you about the couple not buying a house because of a small stream. I bet the lad would have loved it. On the other hand, giving kids the freedom we had when we were yonger is not so simple. I used to play out with my friends on the busy streets of London as a small child and only go home for meals. Nowadays I'd be terrified to let a child out of my sight. Just a mile away from us a 12-year-old has gone missing for 4 days plus in Croydon on her way to the shops from her grandmother's house. I know it's a small risk and maybe those risks have always been there since caveman times, but it does appear to be getting worse. Also everybody seems to be in the mindset of suing someone else if something goes wrong so even schools and other organisations are constantly doing risk assessments before they decide whether to do something or not. It's a different world from the one when we were young.
ReplyDeleteI think it does depend on where you live though. Some places are obviously going to be safer than others and therefore easier for children to play and be free. All these risk assessments have ruined children's enjoyment in my opinion. I agree some need to be done but they've gone way over board with them.
DeleteI saw that show and thought the same thing! Fab garden for a kid was what I thought! I am glad that my two spent their pre-teenhood in Canada where they had a similar upbringing to what U had in Africa. My daughter was free to wonder from friend's house to friend's house as long as she told me where she was going on the way. My son played street hockey and football on our cul de sac - moving goal posts when cars came down. It's a shame kids can't have that these days. :( Andie_E xx
ReplyDeleteAfrica?! I was brought near Leigh/Wigan, lol. I think it's a shame, too, they aren't being able to experience the freedom we had.
DeleteMaybe it depends on where you live to how you feel about this. I trust Addy to know best about the city but here my daughter and friends have been camping in the garden come rain or shine. I have a stream that flows through my garden too. Daughter goes off for lone bike rides the same as I head off for lone walks. But you know as well as I do,it's a whole different kettle of fish to the city. But as for streams, tree houses, tents, etc I'm all in and I say after they've fallen own those steps a few times they learn to be more careful! I'll never forget my daughter jumping the brook to land in a bed of nettles, oh that hurt for a long time afterwards poor child. She only did it once mind!
ReplyDeleteoooh, I bet that hurt!! I agree that it depends on where you live. But even so, I do think children aren't being allowed to experience "danger" as they play, thus learning about life. They rely too much on their parents being there for them.
DeleteI am all for letting my children explore (although not yet because they're only three and one!). I know someone who wouldn't let her boy cross the road on his own - he's 11! She had to relent in the end because he needed to cross a road to get to school (he had previously been driven everywhere). There's the argument that the world's a much more dangerous place but I don't necessarily think it is, I think the media just reports it more. My husband says the world must be more dangerous because there's more people in it now which obviously means more criminals. Again, I don't necessarily agree
ReplyDeleteI think you're right - the media have hyped up this awful world and made us all assume there's a peodo or a mass murderer on every corner, not to mention a motorway at the bottom of our driveway. There's always been criminals, only now do we hear more about them. But there's nothing wrong with a child being able to roam free in their own back garden.
DeleteI struggle with being over protective...we live on a Lane with no pavement and cars and lorries tear down at silly speed. My son, bless him, doesn't possess great road sense. But I know I need to loosen the apron strings as he needs to start becoming more independent...
ReplyDeleteI see where you're coming from. My daughter has no road sense (she's autistic) but we live about 3/4 of a mile from the road and even that one isn't busy. There aren't any pavements here either and cars do tear along the country lanes, though we don't get so many HGV's.
DeleteInteresting reading all the comments and your blog as always is a good one. I work in a school and we have to do risk assessments for our students before they go places but they have special needs and ;learning difficulties and we are in loco parentis. we don't do this to stop them but to minimise any risks.
ReplyDeleteChildren need to learn about risk taking so letting them swing and climb in trees and play out, obviously not on the main road but in the garden or quiet street or go to a friends is good I think but you teach them road safety and how to look after them selves, and stranger danger.
My grandchildren at 10 next week and 12and half are allowed to go out to the park nearby or to a friends house, we know where they are and they let us know where they are going and they ask first. They don't have as much freedom as I did in the 60's but they are not cooped up either. However children will not learn to be independent unless they are given some freedom, how much will depend on the age of the child and what sort of child they are but ALL children can learn some independence although it may not neccesssarily be to go out and about on their own.
oops I seem to be ranting, sorry but it is a subject dear to my heart as I spend my working time promoting independence with our students.
I think there's a big difference between doing risk assessments in a special needs school and a mainstream, because I've learnt myself after Amy started special school last year that the majority of the children have little or no road sense and have no concept of danger. Whereas the mainstream school she used to attend had pupils who were very streetwise, a total contrast to the kids at her current school.
DeleteChildren do have to be given independence eventually, otherwise how will they manage in the big wide world?! That's something I would love to preach to all the parents who wrap their kids up in cotton wool for fear of them getting a paper cut.
Great post. I can imagine roads being more dangerous than in the past, with there being more cars, but I don't think ther is any evidence that anything else is more dangerous.
ReplyDeleteI spent my summer holidays either next door, where we climbed trees, made dens and went on long walks with the dogs (no adults allowed) or down on the local farm, where I remember, among other things, riding quad bikes and motor bikes through the fields, learning how to use the milking equipment and, during the Easter holidays and weekends up to the summer, helping out with the lambing and calving season.
I would cross the fields, on my own, to get there - even the fields with cattle in them. We would climb up into the hay barn (up and down high ladders) and generally mess around in sheds with more dangerous equipment stored than you could shake a stick at.
I wonder if the children growing up in my home village have the same opportunities and adult-free fun.
Here in France, however, it is still like this - at least in my corner of the country. We regularly come across kids camping in the local forest, unaccompanied, and, reading parenting forums in the UK, can't imagine the same happening there without many a raised eyebrow.
Roads are definitely more dangerous with the volume of traffic on them but I agree, I don't think there's evidence for anything else to be more dangerous - after all, we've always had criminals, only now we hear more about them through the media.
Deletesounds like you had a lovely childhood. I don't think many children has the opportunities we had. Even health and safety on the farm has gone silly over the years.
We've tried to get a Tempory Play Street Order for our street (temporary closure thing that Bristol Council are trialling) so that the kids can play safely on the street. Its 2 hours, once a month after school. Cars are still allowed to come in to park but they are accompanied by a warden so they drive slowly. So many people on our street are keen on the idea (including one 100 year old resident) but we have 2 people who have objected because the kids might damage cars and streets are not for kids to play on. We don't know who these people are, but they aren't parents. So we can't let our kids play safely because other people are stopping them, under the pretence that its for their own safety.
ReplyDeleteWas this on the news a short while back? I saw something about it and thought what a fabulous idea it was. I can't believe some people have objected - and typical that they don't have kids!! Some people need to get over themselves and remember the world doesn't evolve around them.
DeleteI agree! Our summer was filled with days playing in the woods, building forts, swimming, running, biking... it was wonderful!
ReplyDeleteOf course, back then (I doubt you're as old as me!) we did actually have a summer! Thanks for commenting, Talli x
DeleteI was lucky to live in a very old street with no road - just paving, so we could play all day without fear of cars. Having said that, some of the things we got up to would have caused my parents' hair to turn white! (And I'm not talking about sexy stuff, just climbing things that were too high or not safe, playing on large rollers at the nearby cricket field that could have easily crushed us. etc.)
ReplyDeleteI also think that it's dangerous to assume that if you let your kids roam in the country or the suburbs, they're somehow safer than they would be in a city. Yes, obviously there's more traffic in the City, but here in the USA at least, there are far more perverts an child abductions in the 'burbs, because people know that's where it's easier to find children.
I was thinking a few months ago that my 8 year old might be able to walk the few blocks to school by himself (just one road with a crossing guard), and in the same week someone tried to grab a 9 year old and pull her into the car. That decided me- for the moment anyway.
Gosh, that is scary. It makes you think twice doesn't it. I think the dangers will always be there but what I find a shame these days is that so many children aren't being given the opportunity to discover those dangers for themselves. Children learn so much from first hand experience and when they are told not to do something, they become naturally curious as to why...
DeleteI have always had to trust my children a bit, because even to let them play in the park as toddlers I couldn't always see where they were (because I can't see). We live in the suburbs of London. My children are 9 and 11. They both go round to their Grandma's on their own, either on bikes or walking. My Son is now happy to catch the bus or train to our local town centre on his own. They can do this because we have given them the skills to be confident and independent. We have been on holidays where the children have disappeared off for hours with their cousins building damns and stepping stones in streams. They had a great time. There are always risks. But in my view their is also a risk in not letting children learn about life, their surroundings and how to be safe and people often forget that risk.
ReplyDeleteWe have just come back from a trip to Butlins. It was the first time we had taken our daughter (who is 2) to somewhere so busy and exciting and I felt quite anxious as she wanted to be running around like her older cousins. I was constantly trying to clock where she was and trying to get her to hold my hand or sit in her pushchair.
ReplyDeleteHowever, once we had been there a day or so, I began to mellow a little. I still obviously wanted her within my sight, but I began to let her run around a little and explore things at her own pace. I noticed how different she was behaviourwise once i chilled out a bit!
Grrr Don't get me started on the crazy, over protective parents! It's totally nuts! As you so rightly say, let them be children! Why shouldn't they play by a stream, great fun to be had!
ReplyDelete