It was the 22nd May when I published a post about my brush with Social Services. Not a pleasant experience I might add, and certainly one I was in a hurry to forget. They made a mountain out of a mole hill and tried to play down that I wasn't in question. On 12th July, nearly 2 months later, I received a letter from them to say they have closed the case. I did have sleepless nights over this. Though after a while, and the continuous support from family, friends and school, I was assured there was nothing to worry about. Having something like this hanging over your head isn't nice. I was told on several occasions by the social worker that my parenting won't be and hasn't been taken into consideration, because at the end of the day, this wasn't about me. It was something Amy said that was completely blown out of all proportion, and whether social workers think they were doing the right thing, what they've actually done is drive me away from ever asking for their help. When really, they would probably have been the ones to contact should I feel the need to look for outside help. Which, sometimes, I do.
Some of the questions I was asked were ludicrous. Scary in fact. And my suspicions about the woman judging me have now been confirmed in writing on a report written on pink copy paper. "Mum was warm and affectionate and spoke very fondly of Amy." Of course I did. She's my daughter and I love her more than life itself. "Parents are able to meet Amy's needs and are able to provide age appropriate clothing and support Amy's social skills." "Mother clearly loves Amy very much and has very good insight into Amy's condition and needs." "Mother appears to be a very loving and supportive mother who has good insight into Amy and her needs. Mother spoke warmly and affectionately regarding Amy and there were lots of family photos around the room showing Amy smiling with her parents." So, I haven't been judged have I not? Lying bastards.
Oh honey - you have been through the mill and I would feel exactly the same as you xx
ReplyDeletewow what a complete nightmare and whilst there is an obviously positive spin on this it must have been complete torture to go through this process and be judged in that manner
ReplyDeleteGoodness! Well, at least it's over...horrible to have to endure!!
ReplyDeletehughugs
What a nightmare !!! I would feel the same
ReplyDeleteThey can be a nightmare when they get involved in your life. My friend had her two children placed on the child protection register through no fault of her own. They remained there for an agonising 18 months, before finally being removed this week. Such heartache for you and for her was obviously avoidable. so glad it is sorted now, Kathryn. All the best xxx
ReplyDeleteIt was avoidable, Jay, which is another reason I am so very upset about it. I will put it behind me and move on but it's taught me a huge lesson, and has certainly knocked my trust in social workers.
DeleteGlad it's over for you but I can understand your anger and disgust. x
ReplyDeleteI hope I'm not going to get shot down in flames here being a social worker but those comments she made in her report were based on a particular set of questions that guide the report that she has to answer. But, I understand what it is like for parents and its certainly not easy. Working in child protection I can see things from a different perspective. As a parent with a special needs child who has her own social worker I can see it from the parents side too. Sorry you've had a bad experience and that you feel you couldn't ask social services for help. xxxxx
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate you commenting on this post, JB. I was thinking about you while writing it and tbh, was reluctant to publish it for a moment. But I've had a horrible experience and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, especially innocent, caring and loving parents who have vulnerable children. But I'm afraid, even though you say her report was based on a particular set of questions, those questions have made me feel violated. She wasn't straight with me and has misled me completely, lying to me in the hope I would give much more information away than I actually did. The report was very hard to read, but, I am going to move on from this. It's over now and I shall put it behind me, but it has ruined my faith in social services and now I am completely alone in caring for Amy.
DeleteI don't think you have been 'judged', I think they have written a necessary report that shows you as a loving caring mother and supportive home for Amy. The same report would not have been written about baby P's homelife (mind you they didn't get that one right did they). They have to do their job. How shocked will be all be when the next child dies and we blame the social services for not making the appropriate investigations. The fact that they have been in, spoken and closed the case is a sign they have done what they are there to do. Act on reports and move on when they see a false one. They have to leave a written report of course, but it's good things, that is ok. I too was investigated when daughter went through a spell of accidents. It all turned out ok but I know I also felt damned angry and invaded at the time.
ReplyDeleteOf course they have to do their job but in this case they have gone the wrong way about it. The woman didn't understand autism, misled me more than once and obviously assumed I was a gullible idiot. When she stated she didn't need to talk to Amy at the beginning of the interview, then insisted on saying hello to her before she left, I should have realised then that I had been lied to. They have treated me and Amy appallingly and have no idea how much stress they caused. I need support, but I'll be damned if I go to them for it now.
DeleteI'm sorry, I don't know the ins and outs and was hoping to help you to feel better about it now it's over. Sending a person to a assess the situation when they don't understand autism is absolutely ridiculous and very scary. That is worth pursuing. Also not properly explaining the process and wanting to talk to Amy without having explained that upfront seems totally wrong. I think putting in letters of complaint is always a good thing to do as it helps people/services see where they are going wrong. You came out the other end of it but what if it goes doubly wrong for the next person. If you choose to take it further it could be cathartic for you and helpful for others. I just felt I'd been throug a process I didn't enjoy much (to put it lightly) it sounds like they got it wrong for you. I'm sorry to have not understood that.
DeletePlease don't apologise! Like I said on Twitter, I totally appreciate, immensely, when people read and comment on my posts about special needs who don't need to concern themselves with the subject. That shows me that I'm at least raising a little awareness. You're completely right in what you said earlier but it's a different scenario for me because of Amy's autism. This situation most likely wouldn't have happened if she wasn't autistic. It was her vulnerability that caused the issue and SS should have seen that straight away xx
DeleteI think if you are unhappy with how she handled things and lied to you then you should definitely put in a complaint or at least write a letter to her line manager. I always advise parents to do this if they feel they have not been treated well. When I am interviewing people for the purposes of reports I write down what they tell me in front of them and ask them to read it and sign it to ensure its accurate. If they disagree with what I have written then they are within their rights to say so on the document and during meetings their views are given to anyone else involved. But, maybe thats just the way we work in our office. But please don't feel alone in caring for Amy. The social worker you had the bad experience of will have been from a child protection team. I'd imagine you could ask for assistance from a disabiliy social worker the way I do? I'm always here for you if you need me too. xxxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteThanks, JB, I do appreciate your support. I was thinking about making a complaint but I doubt I will. I felt I needed to write about my experience and try to release it from my thoughts. Ive had an amazing amount of support from all angles, all I'm grateful for, and perhaps now it's time to put all this behind me and move on. But contacting SS isn't going to be an option now.
DeleteThis is quite scary, isn't it? I came across a case where a child told the after school carers something that was taken in quite the wrong way and before you could say *Jack Robinson* the SS called the police & the child was taken for questioning and returned the following week. What effect this had on the child we will never know but the parent in question was completely innocent of any wrong doing.
ReplyDeleteThis incident has obviously damaged your trust in SS. I think that people are on the lookout for the slightest thing and seem almost disappointed when it all comes down to nothing. So who is doing the scare mongering Thats what I want to know? I blame the training as everyone is suspect/guilty unless proved innocent. Should be the other way round.
Maggie X
Nuts in May
That's how I felt, Meggie. Making a mountain out of a mole hill is what's happened here but the fact they've taken so long sorting it out is pretty bad in my opinion.
DeleteSo sorry you've been thru such a hard time. As jb said tho, u needn't be alone. This is one social worker, most r not like this. Plus the school can be a support too. In a bid to find a positive, I assume Amy's best i nterests were always at the heart of almost of this and ur strengths as a mother have been highlighted too. That said, I too would b very upset. Hugs to u XxX
ReplyDeleteI wish I'd had JB sorting this out for me because I may not feel the way I do now. Right now, I do feel alone and even if SS do have Amy's best interests at heart, it's still made me feel violated by them.
DeleteThere's so much I could write here but I won't. All I will say is that I flatly refuse to have anything to do with SS. Ask them for help? Never in a million years.
ReplyDeleteYour a fab mum! These days they treat everyone like criminals! Its vile! Asking for help is no longer the best way, its so stupid. You are amazing don't forget that x
ReplyDeleteThank you for those kind words x
DeleteYou know my stance on the SS. Like Rosie Scribble above, I have NOTHING to do with them, why? Experience from working within! Sending big ((hugs)) xxx
ReplyDeleteYes, you've had your fair share haven't you. I just wish they would be more understanding to our special needs kids and realise that them being vulnerable doesn't mean we parents are incapable of looking after them.
DeleteI'm sorry you had to go through this and I can understand why you wouldn't want to approach them for help again. We had some distant contact with SS after my son went into meltdown and ran off in town; we had to ask the security staff/police for help. He eventually returned home safey on his own but it was one of the worst days of my life.
ReplyDeleteSome time later we had a letter from SS that said no action would be taken at this time but I was shocked that the police had called them behind my back. I've lost confidence with the authorities and dont trust them. They have a lot of power that if used wrongly can tear apart families.
PS you are a wonderful mum; it comes through in your writing and your pictures. Deb x
Its a parents worst nightmare to lose their child and they need support and understanding, not accusations and blame. Surely, these social workers should be experienced and qualified enough to know which parents need the help and which are genuinely able to cope themselves.
DeleteI agree CJ. What worries me the most is if they don't understand autism how they can make the correct decisions and support us properly. Like others have said, I stay well clear of them. Deb
DeleteI think I would feel very upset if I thought that I had been lied to by SS and perhaps that is the crux of it? Would you be feeling a little better now if the process had been explained truthfully? Most of my dealings with social workers have been very positive, and I hope that if you ever cross their paths again, that the outcome is more positive, you and your lovely daughter deserve it x
ReplyDeleteI would like to say yes, I'd feel better if I hadn't been lied to, but te be very honest I wouldn't feel better because they made a complete dogs dinner out of the situation, blew it all out of proportion, made me stress to the eyeballs, upset Amy terribly and had me feeling like a bad parent, when I've spent years doing my very best not only caring for Amy, but learning and teaching about autism. The way I feel now I won't be dealing them again.
DeleteI wouldn't bother sending a letter of complaint, social services like the police, all stick together and by rocking the boat you could find yourself being investigated again. I agree with the comments above, have nothing to do with them in any shape or form.
ReplyDeleteI've decided not to, Shirley, for the reason you state here. I doubt anything would be done anyway and I'll be damned if I'm allowing them to come into my home again. If there ever is another time they insist on visiting me, they will be made to feel very uncomfortable and unwelcome, and believe me, I did my best in that department last time. Next time I will take NO shit whatsoever.
DeleteGlad this awful episode is now over for you .... what a stressful and totally unnecessary thing to have been put through.
ReplyDeleteSS must do their jobs to protect children. But often the people doing the jobs are not sufficiently well trained, in my experience. Any person who feels they have not been treated well should complain. It's the only way to ensure some other innocent parent does not get the same treatment!
ReplyDeleteBeen there too. So so sorry you've put through the mill over Amy.At times I wonder at what these social workers are thinking. One thing to deal with genuinely abusive parents - quite another to witch hunt innocent parents. I'm pleased you've been cleared. You're a great mum so chin up and be proud!
ReplyDeleteReally glad that this is all behind you now, but I can see how you dont feel like you can trust them again!
ReplyDeleteI have this (unrealistic?) fear of being judged based upon untruths. I'm certain it has its source in my childhood -- I can even remember events that still scare me. One of the results of this fear is that I have the need to explain myself and my actions even when I need not do so. At my age, I'll probably always have the fear. I must be aware that most of the time there is no basis for it.
ReplyDeleteGlad this stressful event is over for you. You are very clearly an excellent mum. Best wishes.
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