Do you ever get the feeling that changes are afoot? I've been having that for a while now. Life has a habit of passing us by until one morning we wake up and realise we need to do something to make it just a little bit more fulfilling. Since the beginning of this year, life for me has been a whirlwind of ups and downs. It's not great that the downs have been over-shadowing the ups too much, but I know that unless I do something about this roller coaster that has become my existence, I'm going to regret far too much. I've never been one to sail round the world, or do a bungee jump over Niagra Falls, nor have I been tempted to swim the channel or walk up mount Everest. Ambition has never been at the forefront of my mind. I'm not a risk taker or a socialite, nor am I interested in being on the front cover of Vogue or photographed in the arms of David Beckham. But life right now has come to a cross roads; I know which way I want to go, but I also know the path isn't yet clear enough for me to tread.
I was told a while ago that things would happen for me. That was a very broad-minded statement and one I took with a pinch of salt. That person also told me I had to be patient. Very patient. And I have been. If I'd have been told this years ago I would have laughed and exclaimed how patience wasn't in my vocabulary. Some of us want to do everything now; we want to achieve everything there and then leaving no room for looking forward. In some ways I'm quite spontaneous. I make the odd rash decision that sometimes leaves me wishing I'd thought it through more. But I have also found that if I think things through carefully and plan my next move, I can grab my goal with both hands. I'm waiting for such a lot to happen this year. As time goes on I hope to be able to share my changes here, and maybe one day I'll look back on this post and remember the junction of where I now find myself. It's like asking yourself "what do I do next?", when you've achieved everything you thought was possible. I have a lifetime's worth of what next's, and a second's worth of regrets.