These light mornings are definitely suiting me more than the January ones did. I think I suffered from the winter blues this time. In fact, I reckon I've been suffering for years but just haven't put two and two together. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm turning into a miserable and unsociable old hag, and I have to admit it worries me. It's hard to remember what my life used to be like as I try in vain to recollect my 20's when I strutted my stuff through the office in a short skirt, tight fitted blouse and a svelte size 12 figure. I haven't let myself go on purpose, but I can see a decline in my appearance. The problem is, I need the motivation to do something about it, and living where I do, it's an almost impossible task to undergo. With ones hand stuck up a sheep and ones child having a meltdown because her Nintendo 3DS has run out of charge, being that slim brunette who discussed forecasts and shipments with the Czech Republic, feels more than a lifetime ago. I think I can honestly say, it was me in another life.
I don't miss those days of high powered executive going home to an empty flat, but there are times when I think about them. I'm a nostalgic old bugger I know, but they were good times and not ones to be forgotten. Pre-child is part of who I am. I didn't have many friends back then and was probably just as unsociable as I am now, but I didn't sit in a lonely office thinking out loud, banging my fingers on a keyboard and hoping the right words would appear. I didn't have a hundred and one things clamouring to reach the surface, only to be forgotten about when the word 'school' flashed up on my phone. Back then I used to say I'd never have kids. I had no intention of getting married - been there, done that and was pretty depressed that it hadn't worked out.
How quickly our lives change when we have kids. Many people, some I know personally, have this deluded vision that their social life will continue, their freedom will not be a thing of the past, and life will tick along quite nicely as they scour through their little black book for a suitable babysitter. It doesn't quite work like that however. The room you keep for best turns into a playroom; the stairs turn into a toy hazard; the fridge turns into soft cheese and formula, while your sex life turns into when you can be bothered.
And once that bundle arrives that has changed your lives for good, you wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm just been writing a post for shelter about our housing journey, so have been having a lovely little nostalgic daydream about when weekends really were relaxing and long lunches were childfree. Now we are lucky if they last 20 minutes, but they just seem to last for hours!!!
ReplyDeleteOf course, I wouldn't be without any of them but I always said 'no kids' as well!
Yes, those 20 minutes do seem to go on for at least 2 hours!! I still try to relax on a Sunday but being the home-maker in our family makes it quite difficult!
DeleteI too get all nostalgic at times - specially when I go back to London - but as you say, wouldn't not change it - although it would be nice to be thin and less haggard looking again :) Lovely post x
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine you're haggard looking! You should see the bags under my eyes, lol.
DeleteEven on the rougher days - I'm having one now - I fully look at life before and now and say honestly, it's better with her than without her. I so identify with what you've said.
ReplyDeletesmiles....yeah its not a bad gig having kids...it def has its days, but...
DeleteCircus Queen - Sorry to hear you're having a rough day, I hope it starts to improve. Life is definitely better with them around, very different, but much richer, too.
DeleteBrian - It's not bad at all is it. Those rubbish days are always compensated with many more good ones.
DeleteLife is definitely a different chocolate selection once you have kids! I still have a little hot pink size 12 short-skirted suit hanging at the back of my wardrobe. I'm kidding myself though aren't I?
ReplyDeleteA different chocolate selection - I love it! I've got a few clothes that wouldn't go over my head anymore and I keep mean to give them to a charity shop...
DeleteI wouldn't change having children & grandchildren for all the tea in China! Thats a daft saying how would I possibly store it, let alone drink it?
ReplyDeleteFamily is more important than high powered jobs. I also had a svelte like figure many moons ago and my waist, in comparison to now, was very dainty. I don't think I even have one now.........sigh!
Maggie X
Nuts in May
I wouldn't change it either, Maggie. Ever. That job was fabulous but it was another life time. This job is no comparison.
DeleteSo true!! I have a friend who led a very sociable life (she was an actress) and pitied me for having a husband and children which took up so much of my time (all, really). No, I was NOT able to visit her for a few days and tag along with her!
ReplyDeleteBut what now? We are both over sixty, and she has neither husband nor children nor grandchildren, and her theatre friends have forgotten her.
Now, she says, I am so lonely that sometimes I just sit and drink.
That's quite sad isn't it, Angela. I know we live our lives in different ways but when a person thinks they have it all then looks back and realises they could have had so much more just makes me feel very sad for them.
DeleteYou're so right - it's like a 'before' and 'after' with kids isn't it? Having said that, I much prefer my life now. With the children being a bit older, 10 and 13 now, I do feel able to reclaim some of my freedom, and probably enjoy it more as the balance of life is better. I do like your posts - they always make me think! Good luck with the tapping away at the keyboard!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, Abi. Amy's 12 now and I do have a little more independence than I used to have. She does still need constantly supervising of course (due to her autism) but I am able to stand back a little now and not be quite so protective.
DeleteYeah, there is definitely two "me"s. The one before child and the one after - both very different. But I would not have swapped the child version for all the tea in China!
ReplyDeleteAddy, you and Maggie May should join forces!! I think we need a girlie trip to China!
DeleteI planned on becoming a doctor...ended up a nurse.
ReplyDeleteYep, life can change on a dime!
Unsociable?? You?? Never...
hughugs
Believe me, Donna, I am very unsociable. I have friends at home but hardly see any of them. We all have hectic lives and hardly ever get together anymore which is a shame.
DeleteYou never know what's around the corner do you? When you're younger you think you have it all planned out and then you realise you forgot to factor in chance, fate - call it what you will - and suddenly you're on a very different course!It's what makes life so fascinating, I think...
ReplyDeleteI think the same, Pat. Life would be very boring if we all did the same thing and sung from the same hymn sheet. It's those corners that make existing an adventure.
DeleteLife does change when you have kids, but honestly, I think the figure goes no matter what. I must be feeling like a defeatist today to say such things. As we age, we shift. So do our priorities. That is not a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you said that about the figure, lol. Mine has been going for years now and I doubt I'll ever get it back!!
DeleteThere are certainly days...ok, actually Sunday mornings, when husband and I think back longingly to those 'pre-child' times. But then, later in the day, he'll make a funny comment, or do something cute and it'll all be worth it.
ReplyDeleteI love the header pic. My Grandad was from Northumberland but I have never been - you have inspired me!
Those are the times we can sit back and say we'd rather have them in our lives and those Sunday mornings we can sacrifice.
DeleteI took the picture from one of my fields. It's looking towards the coast, North Sea, Bamburgh and Seahouses.
It is very different but worth it. Different things are important now!
ReplyDeleteSo worth it. Our priorities change incredibly and we learn fast to adapt to the difference in our lives.
DeleteI've also changed a lot since my little one arrived 2.5 years ago. Some days I yearn to be the old me, fashionable, sociable, travelling, living in the middle of city. But I look at her and how much I have grown inside as a person being a mum and know that it is all worth it. She is my life now and it is beautiful :)
ReplyDeleteI agree, we do grow inside as a person - we see life from new perspective and it's wonderful. Having children to nurture gives us a new dimension to focus on.
DeleteWow, you got that right.
ReplyDeleteI would love to be thin and young again, but I would not wish away my children for anything.
The winter depression is nasty and once you figure out you have it, it seems to get worse.
Well, can't say I'm looking forward to next winter then, lol.
DeleteLife is full of opportunities and compromises! And it's up to each of us to grab the moment and run with it wherever! I started my career as an industrial chemist, progressed to management, worked in cosmetics, property development and now I have found new inspiration as a fashion designer for our very own maternity brand! I love it! Following the birth of my daughter my wife and I wanted careers that allowed us access to our precious little one so we retrained and here we are, recently launched a new business! 18 hr days but close to our little one & no social life at present! Who cares?
ReplyDeleteSteve, you sound as though you've had a very fulfilling life so far and having your daughter has made it so much richer. Long days but hey, who cares indeed.
DeleteAnd on the winter blues note.....have you tried taking Vitamin D supplements? This was my first winter taking them but I noticed an almost instant perk up back in November when it started getting horrid and dark. I realised they must be working when I thought 'Ooh, winter, am looking forward to jumpers and thick coats'. This has NEVER gone through my mind before, not once.
ReplyDeleteI've never liked taking supplements because I take a high dose of epilepsy medication. In the past, other meds I've taken have interfered with my drugs and so it's never been something I consider doing. I might have a chat to the doctor or nurse about that one, thanks for the tip.
DeleteCrystal Jigsaw a "miserable and unsociable old hag"? Absolutely not! A busy mum with a flock full of sheep; yes. Plus a delightful writer.
ReplyDeleteChildren, then grandchildren — two of each. All sorting out who they are. Loving them all. And yes, their arrival meant change. And they are our children and grandchildren as long as we live. But good they are.
Blessings and Bear hugs, Kathryn.
You say the nicest things, Rob. You have me blushing here and that's something I don't do often!
DeleteAwwww, I didn't know your job used to be connected with the Czech Republic, I am Czech ;))) I think I alwasy suffer from winter blues...at least since returning from living in sunny Sydney...7 years ago, and still not used to it....anyway, I agree our lives completely change after having children, the same happened to me...and there are some very bad days, but I would never have it any other way either! Mirka @Kahanka
ReplyDeleteYes, I used to ship acrylic material to Czech and the Baltic States. I had a few markets during my time at the company but I can honestly say the Czech Rep was the most difficult market to deal with!!
DeleteI don't know if that's good or bad.....?
DeleteIn this case, Mirka, it wasn't the best market to have. I had a very obnoxious boss who thought she was better than everyone else.
DeleteI guess they really do change your world, don't they? :)
ReplyDeleteYes they do, Talli. I would say, because I can (!) that the change is for the better, but obviously I speak from a personal point of view!
DeleteLife is never the same again. I am nearing my 68th birthday and my children have children of their own. So much love and worry to cope with but all so worth it! A x
ReplyDeleteOh yes, Anne. That worry never leaves us, but the wonderful times we have together far outweighs the days of doom and gloom.
DeleteI just dont feel sexy these days. So hard to reconcile being a mum with a sex goddess. And to think it was a good bonk that got me pregnant. I never used to want to have kids either but then things changed as my late thirties approached - it was now or never. I find blogging helps me to reconnect with my old life and bring back a sense of balance to my inner core.
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing at your comment; it does beggar belief that a good bonk is the thing that gets us into that state in the first place!!
DeleteI have no regrets, but I still hope to 'get my life back' in some way. Nothing is set in stone, my Mum kept her figure by eating cottage cheese and veg and very little else. I'm not willing to give up cake :)
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure I'll never get my figure back now, I enjoy the finer foods of life far too much!
DeleteNow my AS boys are getting older - 14 & 12, I'm realising that my life isn't over. I think I'm a much more balanced and nicer person now than when I was a go-getting TV journalist. Funny, I've just done an interview for Woman magazine about this very topic - I think there's a lot of us in the same boat!
ReplyDeleteI imagine there will be a lot of mums feeling the same. People are under so much pressure these days to compete and be on top form but having children is such a joy, it puts life in perspective.
DeleteI completely agree...and the friends you do have pre-baby that don't have babies...will moan about how different you are because you have nothing but the baby to talk about!
ReplyDeleteOh yes, you're dead right there!
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