It's Taking A While

If you're looking for the post on Aggression in the Playground, I deleted it after being reassured by the school that I have nothing to worry about. Sheila, Addy, Actually Mummy, Kahanka and David, please accept my apologies and sincere thanks for taking the time to leave a comment, I hope you will understand.

It's taken me a while to get used to a new school even though I feel it's taken Amy a much shorter time. She has adapted to a different school-life and made some new friends but I'm the one struggling with the new methods of teaching that are associated with special schools. The consolation I have is that every member of staff, especially Amy's class teacher, are wonderfully supportive and always make me feel better when I have a need to speak to them. They are efficient and caring and I feel very lucky that Amy now goes to this school. What I find difficult right now is the many varied conditions and special needs which the children at the school are having to cope with. Amy isn't used to it and neither am I. Realising now that I should have got Amy into special school two years ago instead of sending her to a mainstream school where she was made to feel different, is something I may always regret but at least she's now in the best place.

It's bloody hard being a parent of any child; we have to get used to new routines and transitions just the same as the children do, albeit on a different scale, but we are the ones who worry when our child comes home with a grazed hand or a story that we'd rather not hear. I will get used to the new school, I know I will. Amy's managed to settle in and make friends and is learning every day about personal space, appropriateness and friendship. So many children are aggressive and I don't know what the answer is apart from instilling discipline from an early age. But I've brought Amy up to understand that aggression is unacceptable so when something happens at school that could be seen as such, she automatically assumes she has been the victim of violence. Far fetched and over-the-top perhaps. But my child has autism. She finds it hard to understand why mum tells her that aggression will not be tolerated, yet whilst at school, being pushed is seen as a form of rough play. With the school's help, we are tackling these issues head on because all that matters to me is Amy's welfare and happiness.

Are All These Changes Really Necessary?

I'm starting to get a bit bloody fed up with all the changes constantly being made to our online social media platforms. As someone who isn't technical, it's becoming a nightmare to navigate round these certain areas where I enjoy interacting with personal and online friends. I'm a big user of Twitter and a mediocre user of Facebook, and then of course we all know how much I love my blog. I consider myself to be an "old-school" blogger as many of my loyal readers to this blog are also. Maybe you are all incredibly technical and welcome these changes that seem to keep taking place; maybe you have time to sit playing with the mouse all day, every day, learning how to use this new app and that new app. But I'm not technical, I find new apps complicated and like I said, am really sick of switching on the pc every day to find another change has taken place, either on Twitter, Facebook or the Blog.

I welcome progress, of course I do. I'm all for living in the present. But it also seems (to me) that all these exceptionally clever intellects that sit behind a computer almost twenty-four hours a day in their air-conditioned offices with formulas, knowledge and technical jargon spilling from their back ends, have nothing better to do than make my life more complicated than it already is. I like my blog the way it is. I liked Facebook the way it used to be, without having to keep changing settings and being included in conversations that have no relevance to me; I love Twitter, and I don't need any more technical apps to "make things easier". They don't make things easier (for me), they make them more complicated because then I have to work out how to use another new platform. Google have introduced Google+ which I can't make head nor tail out of. I've tried, god knows I've tried. I just don't see the point yet of this app or platform or whatever it's being called this week, and I'm not sure I need another social media platform to use anyway. But then I heard that Google Friends Connect will disappear in March next year. Why? I appreciate that only a fraction of the 2,000+ followers I have ever read my blog and I imagine a huge chunk of them are spammers. But I like seeing that box in my sidebar. I enjoy having the thought that someone else has taken the time and trouble and actually wants to follow my blog. In fact, it's a bloody great feeling if I'm honest.

So what will be the point in following blogs anymore? They don't appear in your Google Reader and the world of blogging (in my eyes) will become considerably smaller because we'll all start to stick to blogs in "our circle" and the ones outside will start to disappear. I suspect comments will reduce, stats will decrease and on the whole, the experience of blogging will turn into a secret diary that we might as well keep locked under our beds. I suspect I'm pretty old-fashioned to you all and I'm not bothered if I am. But why change something that works? Why spend money "upgrading" and "improving" (I put those words in quotes on purpose) when there's really no need to and when I imagine the majority of Blogger users are perfectly happy with the way things are?

I'd also like to say that this post has been inspired by Nickie at Typecast who has voiced some very interesting points on this subject.

Car Crash

Perhaps I tempted fate, who knows, but yesterday my poor mum was hit side-on by a woman pulling out of a junction. Fortunately, neither my mum nor the woman were travelling at speed but the damage to my mum's car is quite severe. As the woman hit the driver's side of my mum's car, I'd say my mum is pretty damn lucky to have walked away without serious injury. She was naturally shaken up and said her legs felt like jelly when she got out of the car, but she didn't feel any discomfort straight away. The woman accepted blame and they exchanged insurance details; it all seemed to be done above board and efficiently. The woman was hugely apologetic and quite upset about what she'd done so my mum being my mum, comforted her and assured her it could have happened to anyone. No matter what happens, my mum is always the rock.

Last night however, mum started feeling a bit bruised and achy which is probably the shock kicking in, but nonetheless she's going to see the doctor and perhaps have some physio. She's fit for a woman of 68 but no matter how fit we are, how young or agile, a car crash is still a shock to the system and can take a while to get over, both physically and mentally. As I live 200 miles from mum, I felt pretty awful that I could only comfort her on the phone. If there was a time I wanted to give her a hug it was when she reluctantly said, "I'm okay, don't worry, love." My sister lives with her so I know she'll be looked after, and my brother and his family live just around the corner, plus she has a wonderful partner who will no doubt bow to her every need. So I won't worry about her, I'll just think about her. Like I always do. She's a good driver and drives "by the book", non of this speeding or overtaking, road rage and aggression lark. She gets from A to B as safely as she can and avoids driving on a motorway. I only hope this doesn't knock her confidence on the roads. People really should be more careful when pulling out of junctions.

From A to B

I had to flash my lights at someone the other day as they hurtled towards me at what must have been at least 80mph. He was overtaking a stream of traffic and whether he thought he could make it without killing someone I have no idea, but I had to move to the side of the road and slow right down to avoid a head-on collision. The A1 is like a race track at the best of times. I've only ever flashed my lights at someone once before, not long after I past my driving test in 1987. They were four young lads in a clapped out banger, the driver who literally pulled out of a pub car park in front of me and missed me by a whisker. I flashed my lights at him and he braked suddenly, which meant I had to brake suddenly, too. To this day, I don't know how I didn't end up attached to his bumper. When he'd got his revenge he sped off and put two fingers up at me, reaching out his hand through his open window. I vowed never to flash my lights at anyone ever again. But on Saturday, I was so angry at being put in a dangerous situation by an idiot driver in a fast and powerful car, that I saw red. Road rage is something I loathe but so is putting someone else's life in danger for no reason. Amy was in the front passenger seat.

I do think this kind of driving is a form of bullying and intimidation. People drive close to you trying to get you to a) drive faster, or b) move over so they can overtake; people shake their head at junctions whilst they're sitting behind you, trying to get you to take chances and nip out; people don't stop at give-ways, such as when the road narrows to one lane or if there are stationary cars blocking the road. All these things can so easily be avoided if only people would have more patience, better manners and a lot more understanding of other drivers. I don't know what's happening to our roads these days; it seems people have to get from A to B in record time and can't sit behind a lorry to wait until it's safe to pass. During the harvest, the A1 is packed with tractors and the odd combine, and I love it because it slows the traffic down. It can be frustrating getting stuck behind a slow moving vehicle, be it a tractor, a lorry or a milk float, but for goodness sake, wouldn't you rather get from A to B in one piece and live to tell the tale like I just did?

You may have noticed I've added pages (along the top) called "Blog Promotions", "Book Recommendations" and "Special Needs". If you think you might like to contribute to any of these pages, please let me know. Thanks.

Perfection To Me

I stroked Amy's soft cheeks last night when she lay in bed, and looked into her beautiful malteser eyes. I remembered when I used to draw circles with my fingers around her cheeks then touch her cherry lips, telling her how incredibly beautiful she is. To me, she is the most stunning creature in the whole of creation. Before I had a child, I would never have dreamed of such intense love or of the unconditional bond that happened overnight. Moments like last night make me thank the world for what I have. I sometimes feel I don't deserve something so perfect in my life, but I know really that I do. We all deserve to be loved. To think I have the love of another person and the responsibility to give that person the best life she could ever wish for, has made my life complete. We have issues, problems, difficulties that we'll probably never overcome. But we will always have each other. And the days ahead will always be graced with the fact I have the truest of true love that a person could ever have. She drives me mad sometimes; I annoy her. She shouts at me and I shrug. She slams doors and storms off; I ignore her temper. Then she turns to me and says, "I love you, mum", and my heart melts. Every time.

The Horse Whisperer

I amazed myself last week and booked a horse riding lesson. After spending two months watching Amy have a wonderful time on Guiness, a 16hh gelding and probably the most gentle horse I have ever met, I thought it was time I got back in the saddle. We're planning to get a horse on the farm next summer mainly for Amy, but my intention is to ride it when she's at school, especially during the winter. After being thrown off several years ago, my confidence was knocked and I made the mistake of never getting back on, telling myself it wasn't worth it. However, since spending nearly two years being bad with my epilepsy and now living each day as it unfolds, I've come to the conclusion that life is so incredibly short that if we want to do something we know we are capable of doing, then we should just do it. And riding is that something I've wanted to do for a long time.

Today, I took myself to the stables and watched as the instructor brought Guiness to the mounting block. The beautiful gentle giant stood still and let me get comfortable in the saddle before the instructor led him into the outdoor arena. I've got to admit, I thought my nerves were going to get the better of me for a few minutes and I told the instructor that I might not last the full half hour. But I did. In fact, I was in that saddle for about 45 minutes and it felt so damn good. I spent the first twenty minutes or so just walking around the arena, getting my confidence back and getting a feel for the horse, then the instructor asked if I felt ready to trot. I was definitely ready, and couldn't quite believe I felt so confident. We chatted about all sorts which was a great way to take my mind off being so high up. The instructor is pretty amazing; she's a young woman with a magnificent business head on her shoulders and knows exactly how far to push each of her clients. The letters after her name would put my consultant to shame! I've spent seven years being nervous about riding a horse and in just 45 minutes have gained back a considerable amount of confidence. I'm pretty chuffed that I've begun to conquer a fear I never had when I was a youngster and I've decided to make it a regular appointment. When the instructor told me she thinks Amy is capable of competing one day, that made me realise that getting a horse on the farm would be a great move. That won't happen for a while of course, but it's a very exciting goal to aim for.

People Watching

I went into a popular high street store the other day that was very busy. Making my way to the checkouts, I noticed only two tills open out of four yet the queue was pretty long. As usual, the people waiting were hopping about from foot to foot, sighing and muttering under their breaths about having to wait. I have to admit, when the queue hadn't moved after what felt like an hour but was probably about five minutes, I was starting to get a bit irritated myself. Five minutes doesn't sound like a long time but when you're standing amongst a huge line of impatient customers and you realise the two people being served are getting nowhere fast, hopping about from foot to foot starts to become a distraction from the boredom. It all went pear shaped when a nice young lady stood behind me with her little boy wriggling about in her arms. I assumed him to be about two years old; a beautiful looking little chap but incredibly tired, fed up and naturally bored. His mum, I have to say, handled his frustrated mood extremely well by trying her best to distract him with decorations hanging from the ceiling. But after a minute or so of attempted distraction tactics, it was clear the poor little fella was getting more and more fed up. His cries were increasing in volume and his wriggling was becoming harder for his mum to constrain him. I felt for them both; having to deal with Amy when out and about at that age, I will always have sympathy for parents who have a hard time trying to control their little ones in public. And in this case, the woman was trying really hard.

Then a few more people joined the queue. By now, ten minutes had passed and still only 2 tills were open with only one moving. The people standing behind the woman and her young son were three ladies who looked in their 60's. All three women stared with their mouths open like guppy fish in a row. They looked totally shocked at the child who was now in such a state. I personally would have taken him out of the store to calm him down but I don't blame his mummy one bit for sticking it out; she had the patience of a saint. She turned to look at the guppy fish stood behind her and just smiled before turning back in my direction. I had such a lot of admiration for that young woman not only for being a very patient mummy and handling her son's frustration so well, but mainly for the fact she totally ignored the very rude and ignorant women who quite obviously didn't approve that such a loud, annoying and very bad tempered little boy was ruining their enjoyment of standing in a long boring queue. I'm just bloody glad it wasn't me and Amy who they stared at because I honestly don't think I could have been quite so understanding. People who stare and judge to this extent should really take a long, hard look at themselves. Mummy and son got through the ordeal eventually and she left the shop still smiling.

The Love of an Animal

This is Saracen, a beautiful golden labrador that belonged to some good friends of ours. This picture was taken when he was well. For the past six months he has deteriorated before our eyes even though he didn't seem in any discomfort apart from that of old age. He had a wonderful personality and an extremely placid nature. He would plod around the farm like he had all the time in the world, and in a way, I guess he did. He was one of the most well-loved and loyal dogs I've ever known. He was obedient and well disciplined which gave him a wonderful air of respect. I adored him and so did Amy. Along with his owners he came to stay in one of the holiday cottages on the farm last week and we were quite shocked to see how much weight he'd lost. He still had the twinkle in his eyes and he still had a quality of life that most older dogs with a terminal condition fail to hold on to.

But before our friends left to go home on Saturday morning, I felt it only right to warn Amy in the kindest way possible, that this would most likely be the last time she saw Saracen and it might be a good idea if she gave him a huge hug and sat with him for a while, petting him and stroking his beautiful silky ears. Amy was in floods of tears after I said this; I knew it would be hard for her to accept that this would be the last time she would have the opportunity to let Saracen lick her hands and it would be the last time she could stroke his soft fur. It was pretty heart wrenching when we waved them off and I also cried, knowing that this stunning creature would probably never walk through our door again and Molly would never be able to tease him with her big brown eyes.

On Sunday morning, his journey on earth came to an end when he peacefully fell asleep. We were naturally upset when we heard the news though Amy took it extremely well because I'd already prepared her for his imminent demise. Our pets mean the world to us. And we mean the world to them. Give your pet a hug today and perhaps an extra treat; they'll never forget.

May I point you to a guest post I wrote on the subject of "Remembrance" for a loyal blogging friend of mine whom I've known since starting blogging in 2007.

Online Networking Made Sociable

Over the years of blogging, I've made friends and lost friends. Sometimes this hasn't bothered me and sometimes it has. I think it's natural to change our circle of friends from time to time, a bit of an update to our blog roll doesn't do any harm. But I do find quite often that a lot of newer bloggers find it really hard to accept a difference of opinion either on their blogs or via their networking platforms. I'm very pleased to say that the majority of contacts I have on places like Twitter and Facebook, not to mention the world of blogging, are very adaptable and acceptable to other people's point of view which is why I've stuck by them for so long. I read new blogs, perhaps not as often as I'd like anymore, but I'd say at least a few times a week. I don't know if it's blogging etiquette, but I've always found other's blog rolls to be really useful when searching for a new blog to follow. The amount of interesting and like-minded blogs I have come across by adopting this method has been immense. 

It's quite often the case that I read through comments, some giving their own opinion and not always in a respectful manner. As I've got to know some blogs which offer quite controversial content, I've also got to know how they find it difficult to accept a view different to their own. Interaction on a blog or other social networking platforms is one of the main aspects of social media; I guess that's why the word "social" is used in its title. I've had many different opinions on this blog and a substantial amount on Twitter and Facebook, but I have learned to walk away from confrontation and accept that we are all different, therefore will have a different outlook. There's nothing wrong with having a discussion about something; talking passionately about your experiences and the fact you believe your methods are best for you. But as we all know, what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another. It's life. I have some amazing contacts online and every day I make a new one. I can be extremely opinionated when I feel the need but I'd like to think I didn't shove my opinions down other's throats in an aggressive fashion which is something I'm seeing more and more of in this complex world of social networking.