A Massive Step in the Right Direction

Probably the best news I've had for a very long time came by way of an email the other day, when I was informed about the Education Authority's agreement to transfer Amy to a specialised school. I read the email a few times just in case I'd read it wrong, but it was there in black and white, the decision so very much needed made by the powers-that-be to go ahead and arrange the transition. We have stated our preferred school and are now waiting to hear if there is a place available there, but we're staying positive. Amy's ready to move and this will be the most important step for her to take in order to begin the rest of her life. To say we're thrilled is a huge understatement.

I hope to receive another email after the half term holiday to confirm a place at the new school. It's a wonderful environment with incredibly happy kids and teachers who are some of the most enthusiastic members of teaching staff I have ever met. This is incredibly good news for Amy and for our little family unit as a whole. For a decision that usually takes months to reach, the week it has taken in reality is proof that Amy really does need to be in a specialised school. I can't thank her current school enough for their support and even though we have realised recently that it isn't the right place for her to be, it does have an amazing group of staff who have continuously backed us up. I can't stop smiling; it's like we've climbed several rungs of the ladder all at once. Absolutely fantastic!

Amy is so excited, she has written a short story for you on her blog HERE.

Professional Blogging

Have you ever thought about making money from your blog? I'm not talking about advertising or even doing sponsored posts, but blogging in a professional capacity. I've thought about it myself even though I will always see my blog as a hobby. I spend such a lot of time reading and commenting on blogs, introducing myself to someone new on a daily basis, that the amount of blogs I now follow well exceeds 1,000. My problem is I'm not technical and find building websites a real struggle. But if I blogged professionally, I could hire someone to do that for me. It's more than four years ago now since I started this blog and I'm pretty proud of how far it's come. It started out as a place to write, somewhere to improve my creative writing skills, mainly in the beginning that was through posts of a paranormal nature. Many of my earlier posts told of experiences within my home but I began to realise after a while that people didn't really know what to say and so comments started to dry up.

I wanted this blog to be about interaction, and still do. Maybe one day I'll get the opportunity to blog for a publication and earn money for all the hours I spend working on it, but my concern would always be that I would lose the loyal readers and support I have always been so fortunate to maintain. Crystal Jigsaw has been named a Blog of Note by Blogger on two occasions and this is something I'm really proud of. But what makes me even more proud is to have people come here and read what I have to say. I'm probably earning myself hundreds of pounds a week for all the time I spend blogging, but this is money I'll never see. It isn't important. Having a hobby that I love and enjoy, and having a community I can always be a part of however, is. Would you consider blogging for a living if you were approached? Or would it take away the enjoyment of your blogging experience?

Watershed Viewing

Amy wanted a music channel on this morning before school, so we're talking 8am here, and the first image she saw was of two men seriously snogging each others pants off. Now don't get me wrong, I'm no prude when it comes to relationships and I love a good romance on the telly, but it seems that so many videos now-a-days have to portray sex, or at least an explicit scene. Half the singers and band members wear next to nothing, and legs feature a large part along with plenty cleavage and an orgasmic embrace. Why do music videos these days have to be filled with nothing short of soft porn? I find it repulsive if truth be told, and totally unacceptable at any hour. Amy has several music videos downloaded on the iPad and I've had to delete some of them. At her age, she's interested in knowing about sex and wants to learn about the birds and the bees, but things like this should be monitored. I don't mind her watching some videos; some are quite entertaining and if she loves the artist and the song, then I'd never stop her enjoying the music, but when they keep thrusting pelvis's and jugs in your faces, it's time to ask, "is this really necessary?"

Of course, my taste in music differs somewhat to Amy's and I couldn't imagine Barry Manilow gyrating about in front of his fans, however much I'd like to see him do it, but should our children be exposed to this kind of sexual orientation, at any age? Is it okay to have some botoxed bimbo jiggling about in front of a camera, flashing her assets, showing the world how amazing she is at French kissing? Doesn't this take the audience away from the song itself, or doesn't music sell anymore, is it videos with explicit sex scenes that we are all supposed to prefer? I honestly can't work it out. Amy's already talking about wanting a skinny body, wishing you could see her spine and that she could look like half the female singing population. She asks me often when watching a music video, "do you think she's sexy?" My answers vary between, "she's attractive but I wouldn't want to look like her," to "no, she's skinny and looks like she needs a Big Mac and Fries." I don't want to think our children are being brainwashed by media hype about how they should look, but I do wonder if some of these artists have been brainwashed themselves, and this is all they know.

Is Blog Content Important?

There are often times when I want to write something on this blog that I know would be impossible to publish for fear of causing an uproar.When we open ourselves up on a public blog, we have to remember that people are getting to know us;  they are connecting with us personally, even though we may never have met them. That's what blogging is about, connecting with people. I try to write about a variety of subjects on this blog but sometimes I really wish I could write exactly what I feel and what's rattling my cage at that precise moment. Many things rattle my cage, as some of you know, but I can't write about them. My dad used to say, "there's no such word as can't," but we all know that in some circumstances, that word is very much in existence. Some days I've thought about starting an anonymous blog to air my grievances, to tell the world about someone who's annoyed me or someone who's offended me. I want to name names, describe details, express my inner most feelings and pour out my darkest thoughts. But who would that serve?

I go through life saying my piece then backing down because I hate causing offense. It's inevitable that we will cause offense sometimes of course, but most of us do so unintentionally. Some of my personal friends read this blog and some of them I could spend hours writing about. None of my family read it however, most of them think I have nothing better to do and one in particular thinks I'm just "sad" because I blog. But if I was really able to write what I truly thought, I'd probably have no friends left and my family would desert me for sure. Yet if I had an anonymous blog and no one knew who I was, would it really do me any good? Would it make me feel like I'm right and every one else is wrong? There are some fabulous anonymous blogs that I know of who publish guest posts and I think that's a great idea. I've done a post on one myself. How I'd love to tell you about the people who treat me like I'm stupid, like I know diddly-squat, like I'll never be a "true farmer's wife" because I don't bake or make jam, like I'm an old-fashioned fuddy-duddy because I don't like modern music or wear high heels. I'm just me, and this blog will stay exactly as it is. There; I've made an executive decision. Get me.

Be Careful Where You Comment!

Do you ever wonder what to blog about? Do you sit and ponder, recollecting recent events, wondering what would make an entertaining or appropriate blog post? Some of us get our inspiration from other bloggers but a lot of us get our ideas from spontaneous events which happen on a daily basis. One such thing happened to me this week. I had a blog post ready to reveal when I suddenly decided to read an article I thought sounded interesting after being advertised on Twitter. I clicked onto it and read it, quite surprised at the content. It was autism-related so I decided, against my better judgement, to leave a comment. Perhaps my comment was a little opinionated and maybe I should have kept the word "autism" out of it, but when four people replied to my comment, followed by 34 people giving my comment a "thumbs-down", I realised I'd learned a valuable lesson.

In my opinion (tsk, there I go again), online bullying is getting worse. On this occasion I just laughed at the pathetic individuals who naturally didn't understand my comment and who have obviously descended from sheep, before hitting the delete button. I really couldn't be bothered seeing another email come through to tell me that someone else disagreed with me, yet hadn't had the balls to actually say it in words but had just clicked on the "thumbs-down" symbol. One thing I know for sure now though is, in future I'll never leave a comment on an article that has been written by someone obviously more intellectual than I, and by someone who is inevitably an expert in the autistic spectrum, someone incidentally, who doesn't have an autistic child. Like I say, tut-tut for having an opinion. How could I have been so prudent as to comment on what has to be classed as, well, someones opinion. Aren't comments important anymore? Don't people want feedback? Or are we all supposed to sit back and tickle each others ego even if we don't agree. There's a right and a wrong way to leave a comment; the right way is to be polite and appreciate the author's point of view, even if you don't agree with it; the wrong way is to be rude and distasteful. Have you ever known me to be the latter? No, me neither.

Determination in Abundance

I feel as though my head is spinning right now. After starting the ball rolling last week for a transition to a different school, my life has been completely focused on being determined. In fact, I've never been as determined as I feel right now. Even when I published the book I didn't feel this determined. Recent events have really put my life in perspective. Amy has always been my number one priority, but as she's got older I've been able to do my own thing a bit more knowing that she is quite happy doing her own thing, too. But now I've gone back to serious advocate mode, in other words, I've rolled my sleeves up and made a vow to keep going until I get what I want. Sounds a bit conceited doesn't it. I don't care anymore. All I care about right now is making sure Amy has a damn good education and she flourishes wherever she goes. Whether that be her current school or a new one.

It's a long process and I've had to sit back and find another ounce of patience but it's hard. Crying seems to come easy however, and talking to my dad is easier still. I guess I just want someone to wave a magic wand and say, "hey, it's done," and Voila, no more battles, no more phone calls, no more waiting around for someone else to make a paramount decision about "my" daughter's future. Having a child with special needs isn't difficult as far as the child is concerned; the difficult part is getting appropriate support, either at school or at home. So far, we have been blessed with wonderful support at school but home support ended six years ago. I think I'm entitled to give myself a pat on the back for the those years which I did it all myself, but now, it's quite obvious that I need help again. Sitting back expecting the authorities to agree isn't an option. Standing up for what's right and voicing my case with assertive tones is. Which is exactly what I am doing.

May I point you to my page on Authors On Show today. I have promoted the lovely Nicky Schmidt, aka Absolute Vanilla. I've known Nicky since I started blogging, she was one of the first blogs I ever read. Not only is she beautiful, but she's extremely talented, too. Incidentally, if you are trying to get on the writing ladder and you'd like to be promoted, please let me know.

I Blog to the People, Not the Wall

Over the past few days, as a lot of you already know, Blogger has made blogging life rather difficult. If you regularly update your blog like I try to do, you will understand how frustrated I was to find one of the most important posts I published for quite some time was deleted, along with the supportive comments it received. Fortunately, the post was restored on Saturday morning but unfortunately, the comments never came back. There were nineteen of them in total, posted within a few hours, together with several on the previous post and a few on the one before that. I was pretty annoyed and left feeling somewhat anxious at the thought of my blog disappearing into the ether, altogether. After four years of blogging, I haven't honestly experienced too much disruption with Blogger, apart from the odd mishap which hasn't made much difference to my blog, but this has been a huge talking point and one that has left me feeling very nervous indeed. I have a huge following through Google Friends Connect and I value each and every one of them, and most of my posts receive several comments which I say, are just as important as the post itself.

I followed a few conversations on Twitter and Facebook over the weekend, keeping up with Blogger's problems and their updates on restoring blogs to normal. By Saturday afternoon, I began to feel uncomfortable about discussing my upset with regards to the recent debacle as people were saying (some directly at me, some aimed at people who were complaining about Blogger in general) "get a life", "be patient" and "stop making yourself look sad". The people who said these things obviously have no idea how important this blog is to me. It is my outlet, my place to speak my mind, a corner of my life that I can talk about openly. It is a room to share photographs, experiences, life changing events, Amy's progress, the Farmer's bad habits and my good ones. It is my therapy, and if that makes me sad or means I need to get a life, then I have news for you: I have a life; it's wonderful and blogging has made it all the more richer.

The Lonely Road

There is a wealth of manuals on the shelves telling us how to raise our children. What to do in a situation, how to speak, how to educate, how to teach. But when each child is different with varied needs, it can be quite difficult to make sense of these manuals, marrying them up with the issues you may need answers to. No child is the same, anyone will tell you that. We all wish, when we have children, that someone would pop up from nowhere, give us "the" best advice to suit our individual child, then pop off again so that we can get on with the parenting bit. But that would take all the fun out of nurturing the child yourself and it would deny you the right to feel satisfied when your child achieves something after following advice you have been given. We all want to bring our children up in our own way, even though sometimes we feel a strong need to ask for help. And in most cases, unless we ask, we rarely get. Mainly because people don't realise we need the help in the first place. We parents are very good at hiding the truth; closing the door to the outside world and pretending we have perfect children who never put a foot wrong and are certainly top of the class.

Rewind six years when Amy was five. She didn't speak much but that was part of her autism. We accepted that her speech was delayed, hired a communication therapist and supported her as much as we could. Eventually, her vocabulary increased and by the time she was eight, she could hold a conversation just like any other child her age. Except with a difference. Her accent at school has always been totally different to the one she uses at home. You wouldn't even think it was the same person. Last night I realised I needed to pull back the carpet and face the issues that I brushed away all those years ago, hoping one day the therapist might help her talk properly at school. But even though the therapist did her best before the cuts in special needs education were enforced, it still didn't stop Amy talking in the squeaky, high-pitched accent that she only saves for school people. No one, connected with school in any way, has ever heard her "home" accent and many find it hard to believe that it exists. The school-voice has got so bad that people are struggling to understand her, and some children have been picking on her. We all know children can be cruel and they will pick on another child who they class as "different", but I never realised how different Amy acts and sounds until my eyes were opened at the school gates yesterday. It's been a while since I've been to school and to say I was gobsmacked is an understatement.

Amy knows what she's doing, she knows her voice doesn't sound natural and she really wants to talk normally again, but six years is a very long time in a child's life and the embarrassment she feels is now evident. I feel hormones are playing a large part in the constant emotions she experiences but now I have learned that she's unhappy. Not particularly with the school, but with herself. And I have to do something. Perhaps drastically to some, sensibly to others, I have made enquiries about changing Amy's school. It has been suggested that she isn't doing as well as she should be, even with her social and learning issues, and a special school should now be looked into. So today I've set the ball rolling. I need your positive vibes more than ever; this is vitally important for Amy's future and as I have the full backing of the school, I am staying positive that it might just work. I wanted to wait until she was thirteen and would have to change schools anyway, but my recent concerns, together with her teachers, have highlighted that this situation cannot continue and a special school will most probably be for the best.

Nothing's Free in this Life

Recently, I have been infuriated at the fact my friend is so obviously being taken advantage of. She knows people take advantage of her yet she continues, or continued I should say, to let them. She offers a professional service to the public and very rarely charges for it. Yet the service she offers is something many people offer and charge an absolute fortune for. I had to say something. I've only known her twelve months but we have become very close friends and she's one of those people I can talk to about anything. So I've put my two-pennies worth in and given her my very strong opinion on why she shouldn't let people take advantage. People who have a profession, for example, plumbers, electricians, builders etc, all charge a huge amount of money for labour. There are hundreds of professional services that we often feel are too expensive which is why most of us go out of our way to get quotes. Personally, I'd rather go with the best and not the cheapest.

Being able to talk to my friend about this has made me feel a little awkward because I obviously don't know her financial situation. But when you're giving your time, in some cases she gives up to four hours, for absolutely nothing, you are going to find you make a rod for your own back. It's very nice to be popular, but it isn't very nice to be skint. In the last few weeks, my friend has worked for nothing for clients from all over the world including America and Australia. This includes Skype conversations, telephone conversations, emails, after midnight (due to time differences) and all at my friend's expense. She is a lovely person, a true friend and I am furious that she is allowing people to contact her and request her service for free. She went through a phase last year of making set charges but people complained. Why? Who the hell gets something for nothing in this world anymore?

The Agony of Blogging

Sometimes blogging is like pulling teeth. There are days when it's better to publish a blog post and days when you might as well not bother. Some people prefer to publish in the evening, some in the afternoon. Personally, I prefer to publish in the morning. But do you get obsessed with ranks and stats? Do you like to know that your blog is being read? I know I do. What would be the point of blogging on an open platform if you wanted to keep your life a secret. But something I really fail to understand about blogging is the bitchiness; the digs and little snippets of gossip flying around; she's done this, he's done that, you shouldn't blog about this, you should blog about that. In all my years of blogging, I have probably deleted around half a dozen posts for reasons simple; i.e. i) it might have been a rubbish post that I regretted publishing, or ii) it might have offended someone, which is something I never wish to do. Hiding behind a computer screen is a great way to have an opinion, but when your opinion hurts someones feelings, surely it's time to back down?

As a member of many websites, some extremely popular, I tend to keep my opinions to myself to avoid getting entangled in confrontation, thus leading to fall-outs. Isn't blogging individual anymore? Is there some kind of etiquette that we have to follow? How are we supposed to please everyone in this vast blogging community and why should we feel we have to? Because there are so many blogs we have a choice of which ones to read. Thousands of blogs are created every week and each one is a credit to the blog author. Whatever they choose to blog about is their prerogative. And as the saying goes, if you don't like it, don't bloody read it! This blog has been listed and scored as number 6 in the Tots100 Index this month and I am thrilled to bits. My job now, unpaid of course, is to help some more blogs rise up the lists and feel blogging is really worthwhile. It's the least any of us can do. Instead of bitching about who has the best and worst blogs, let's remember one thing; if we didn't care about our blog then we wouldn't have one. Like it or not, blogging is as individual as your DNA.

Turning Back Time

I was looking for a photograph over the weekend amongst a drawer full of albums. Buried beneath the millions of pictures of Amy were the following two photographs of me. Yes, me. Don't get too excited, they were taken in 1997 when I was 27, a svelte size 12 and had natural brown locks. It seems like another lifetime ago. The header photo above was taken a couple of weeks ago where I'm now 41, a voluptuous size 16 and have natural grey locks. But I'm still me. I do miss those collar bones. They went a long time ago along with my brown locks and sexy legs. But the boob department has increased rather considerably, perhaps now being my best asset(s). Now, where did I put that Wii Fit dvd?

This blog is now also available on Kindle. Click for either US or UK.

Great News for the NAS

As you know, I made the decision to donate proceeds from sales during April of my book to the National Autistic Society. I have today made out a cheque for £200. But I want to thank ALL of you who bought a copy because you have contributed to this wonderfully worthwhile cause. I'll be doing a give away soon on Authors On Show, a website on which I'm classed as a Team Member; Lorraine, the owner of the website, has organised a fantastic promotion which all authors and readers will benefit greatly from and I urge you to pop over there and take a look. Once the opportunity to win a copy of Discovery at Rosehill is published on the site, you, along with my Twitter and Facebook friends, will be the first to know. Please don't miss this opportunity. I've also done another blog interview, this time with Rebecca Emin, where I'm giving away a signed copy. Do enter the competition; all you have to do is leave a comment on the post.

Do continue recommending the book to your friends and family; just like many other authors, I'm marketing this one myself and am really hoping word will spread that it's a great book to read. Thank you again; I'm incredibly touched by your loyalty. Details of how you can get a copy either in paperback or Kindle are on the pages "Buy My Book" and "Discovery at Rosehill Information" above. It's received some great reviews so far.

Footnote: you may remember me telling you about Amy's school who also contributed to the NAS for Autism Awareness Month by asking the children to wear their own clothes for a day and pay £1 each. We made £100 that day which means between us all, we've donated £300 to this vital, supportive network for autism.

My Baby Cries

Kids can be so damn cruel. Throughout Amy's life we have had to endure ignorance, snide remarks, opinionated know-all's, and now it seems my extremely vulnerable 11 year old daughter is at the age where other children, some two years older, are taking advantage of her naivety. She walks round school talking to anyone. For a child with autism, she has always been particularly sociable albeit inappropriately for her age group. We were troubled with nastiness at her first school and so far in her second school, we've only had a couple of incidents where her patience has been stretched. But when she came home last night telling me a child older than her, said "go away, Amy, you dick," I have to say I was pretty appalled. NOBODY calls my daughter a dick and gets away with it. I guess we all say that and we all have to accept that language and this kind of behaviour takes place. If Amy had come home and told me she'd been rude in return or had irritated the girl in question, a small part of me would have brushed the girl's words under the carpet. But it was only a couple of months ago when she again told me of an incident where some child had told her to "piss off" just because Amy simply said "hello".

None of us have perfect children. That is fact. But any good parent will go to the ends of the earth to protect their child from this ridicule. The school will, I have no doubt, jump on this as soon as I make them aware; their ability to nip things in the bud is second to none. Their zero tolerence approach to abusive language and bullying, whether it be mild or severe, is a great asset to their already excellent-focused environment. But why do children have to be so cruel? Why does calling a child a "dick" make another child feel good? Why are children starting to be abusive towards my daughter just because she talks differently and acts differently? I know what I'd like to do but I'd probably be locked up for it. My advice to parents of any child, whether they are autistic or not, is don't put up with this behaviour. If your child is upset because of another child's words or actions, do something about it. I might live in a bubble most of the time, but I do see what goes on around me and I won't stand back and allow my beautiful girl to get upset. We have to ignore some of it, of course we do, we can't protect our kids forever and it's only right to let them grow up, but the world is cruel enough.

Castle Wedding

I might not have experienced the pomp and ceremony, the millions of onlookers and the balcony kiss, but I experienced one of the most special days in my life, eight years ago today. The Farmer and I were married at Bamburgh Castle, a short distance to where we live. It was a memorable day. There were the usual tears and stress, but my brother did a great job of walking me up the aisle to meet my prince whilst my dad watched from nearby, only me able to see his beautiful blue eyes shining proudly. I'm sure the Farmer's mum was there too, standing next to my dad as they watched their children make a life long commitment. These last eight years have flown, even though it feels more than eight years since we were married. Life at the farm, living with my Farmer and bringing up Amy in this haven of countryside was, and always will be, my dream come true.

Like all couples, we have days when we could throttle each other and days when we just want to be alone, but neither of us would ever want to be truly alone without the other there to offer support. So I dedicate this post to my husband; a wonderful man who loves me just the way I am, and believe me, sometimes I should imagine that's a hard undertaking!

To you, my darling, Happy Anniversary xx

The Ignorance Gets Worse

Once again, we have been plagued over the bank holiday weekends with people walking through the fields with children and dogs. There is, unfortunately for us, a public footpath which runs through our land and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. The lack of signs is simply due to the fact that any warnings of danger are looked upon unfavourably and seen as hostile. We want to put signs up in order to a) protect our livelihood, and b) protect the general public who think it is their given right to wander through private property, without an ounce of common sense or a scrap of thought that their precious pooch or perfect child might get attacked. Of course, if that happened, who would be to blame? In the eyes of the law, a farmer has a right to shoot a dog that he/she finds roaming amongst his/her livestock, but would they have the same right if it were a child chasing lambs, taunting sheep and causing a general nuisance?

I could answer that but I won't. This is a family blog.

Yesterday, Amy and I were feeding Nibbles, the pet lamb. We could hear voices in the fields, children playing and a rather noisy dad shouting. When I looked over the wall, there they were; mum, dad, 4 kids, one in a pram, and 2 dogs. One looked like it was off the lead but I couldn't be sure. And then I noticed a couple of boys who looked around 7 or 8, chasing sheep. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. This kind of behaviour is as bad as breaking into a shop and stealing stock; or let me word it another way, it's as bad as anti-social behaviour that causes distress. In this case, it was causing distress to our sheep. As you know from previous posts, this isn't an exceptional incident but is fast becoming the norm. Having the public footpath is the biggest pain in the arse for this farm, but when people take advantage of their "right to roam", they have absolutely no idea what damage they're actually doing. So, I've decided it's time to put up those signs. If I get told to take them down, so be it. But for now, they will be attached to gate posts because I am sick and tired of ignorant idiots who use my land as a playground for their dogs and kids. Here's what I devised. Let me know what you think.

PLEASE RESPECT THE COUNTRYSIDE:

CLOSE ALL GATES

DO NOT SWING ON GATES

DO NOT CHASE LAMBS OR SHEEP

KEEP YOUR DOG ON A LEAD

DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD RUN NEAR SHEEP AND LAMBS

SHEEP WILL PROTECT THEIR YOUNG