It Only Just Begins

At a few minutes past midnight on 1st January 2010, I kissed Amy while she slept, and said, "happy new year." As I left her bedroom, I said to the Farmer, "something significant will happen this year," but I didn't really know what that significant event would be. So much has happened in my life throughout 2010 that the roller coaster on which I have travelled now grinds to an abrupt halt as it reaches the beginning of another journey. Significant it may be, eventful, probably, but I hope the next journey through 2011 brings that little ray of sunshine I was hoping for in 2010.

1. Health issues: Amy's autism continued to astound me on a daily basis; I found out that I have a different type of epilepsy to the one I was diagnosed with twelve years ago; I experienced periodic seizures for the first seven months of the year; changed medication; lost my driving licence through my condition.

2. Writing: finished my paranormal romance; felt the relief when I finally closed the file, only to open it again a few months later to begin editing; found a wonderful editor who helped me considerably and is giving me an enormous amount of support in order to achieve my dream; discovered how bloody hard it is to edit and reach perfection, if that can ever be reached, and prepare a manuscript for submission. That doesn't guarantee publication which is a whole different issue.

3. Farming: a successful harvest at last, after last year's disaster; selling price of lamb increased; atrocious weather conditions caused havoc in the fields, meaning 400 sheep needed feeding twice a day, twice as much spent on fuel, twice as much on feed, more work for the Farmer.

4. Paranormal: it's been eventful. I intend to talk more about this next year, perhaps when I think more seriously about collating my experiences in either book or blog form.

I shall raise my glass of Vimto to a new year filled with more highs than lows; we need to accept the lows in order to appreciate the highs. There are things I'd like to change, resolutions I'd like to make, goals I want to achieve, but all in all, so long as we stay happy and healthy, the rest is bound to follow.

Peace and Prosperity to you all.

Camera Pain

Amy and I took some photos yesterday of fabulous presents she'd had for Christmas. She prefers me not to show them on here which I will respect, but the ones she took were far superior to mine. However, thinking I was being clever, I lay down on the floor to get the best position when using the camera and I was reminded how stiff I am. I don't know what I've done, but my upper arm is absolutely killing me. I suspect it's a pulled muscle but I don't do pain too well, I have a very low pain threshold! Unfortunately, it's my right arm and as I'm right handed it's causing a problem. If anyone has any physio-kind of relief aids, I'd be grateful for suggestions. At least I can still type, and use the television remote control.

Please remember, if you like my blog, could you vote for me in the Brilliance in Blogging awards - HERE
You will find me under the "Inspirational Blogger" category, Crystal Jigsaw. Many thanks xx

Fun and Games at the Farm

Well, Christmas came and went; it's usual ups and downs making their mark. The bulk of the big day, together with Sunday, was relatively calm, peaceful, relaxing, you know, how it should be. Of course we had the odd drama, mainly due to Amy being over-excited, too many presents and me getting bugger all off the Farmer, but hey, I spent all day moaning about it on Twitter so I'll give you lot a break and keep schtum. It's not about the presents after all, it's about love and giving. Sorry, did I say giving? I meant family. He surprised me with a bunch of flowers from the Co-op on Christmas Eve, guess I should be grateful they weren't from the local garage.

Whether it's officially called Boxing day anymore is anyones guess, but on Sunday, which apparently cannot be a Boxing day because it's a Sunday, I decided to update my Firefox application and buggered my Internet browser up. I spent four hours in communicado with a lovely young man whom I've met on Twitter (bet he gets his other half more than a bunch of flowers) and he talked me through fixing it. If he wants to move in with me I shall be more than happy to provide my guest wing for his needs. Sorted in the end, but touch and go for a while, was wondering if my Internet access would ever be the same again. Being particularly un-technical, I panicked. My Twitter friend must have the patience of a saint to have stuck with me banging on about losing tool bars and icons, all Sunday afternoon. And he was trying so hard to keep up with the Manchester United game; I felt like one of those wives who stands in front of the television telling her husband about Sandra's boyfriend's brother's cousin having been found with her best mate down an alleyway, up against the wheelie bins; when all of a sudden her husband's team scores and he doesn't see it because his imagination's working over-time. Anyway, my Twitter friend, if you're reading, thanks, I really appreciated your help. Can't see him offering again though...!

Snuggles with Mummy (Silent Sunday)

Bonnie and Sparky

Meggie and Sparky

Sparky is Bonnie and Meggie's mummy, just in case you were wondering! She had six puppies in June 2009, and all were black and white!

Silent Sunday post, hosted by Mocha Beanie Mummy

Also, here's Amy's entry into this week's Silent Sunday

Merry Christmas

I want to wish you all a Very Happy Christmas. Have a wonderful day and may it be filled with peace. And turkey.

Crisis at the Farmhouse

We had a crisis yesterday. In these difficult times of excessive snowfall, horrendous weather conditions, treacherous roads, no public transport, painful cuts and the coalition going tits-up, the Farmer snapped his belt on his jeans and couldn't find another. All hell broke loose. Braces were mentioned, before I put him firmly in his place about the fact that he might be 61 but I'm still in my 40's, as the type of braces he was thinking about were the ones his dad used to wear during the war. I scoured the house to find a spare belt, thus saving him a trip to town to actually part with some money and buy a new one. He said it didn't need to be diamond encrusted so at least he wasn't too fussy. I even took my own belt off at one point and offered him that, meaning my own jeans would be hoicked up every few minutes. Then I thought about some string like Compo used in Last of the Summer Wine, perhaps that would have worked and looked considerably better than 1940's, old-men's braces.

I eventually found a belt. I found it on a pair of suit-trousers, belonging to the Farmer. "I can't find another belt," he'd told me. "Did you look?" I asked. "Well, err, not really," he answered. What would he do without me?! At the next available opportunity I shall treat him to a new belt, one that he can treasure and that will remind him of me every time he removes his trousers.

The Warmth of Family

The other day we had a power cut. Quite expected I suppose, in this awful weather, but they don't half annoy me. I moan and groan, stomping round the house in a sulk, wondering why the farm house is stuck in the Victorian era, when it should be progressing quite nicely in these times of technology, heat and road grit. After a couple of hours, I lit some candles and placed them on the kitchen table. It gave the atmosphere a somewhat romantic boost but it also gave it an ambience of cosiness. The Farmer lay by the Aga, four collies tucked into him, before being joined by Amy. My beautiful family, trying hard to keep warm on a freezing cold day in midwinter; and my heartstrings stretched to the limit. I'd like to share the scene with you:

I gave Amy a blanket, but Sparky moved!

This was the view outside the kitchen window on Sunday afternoon.

Amy has a new blog post HERE which is a really interesting read. She did it all by herself; do pop over and leave her a comment if you have time, many thanks xx

The Magic of Lies? Or just Magic?

Thoughts have been going through my head for a few months now, knowing how much Amy has grown up this year and especially when she discovered the tooth fairy doesn't really live in the tree outside. A part of me feels sad to think that this could be Amy's last year of believing in Father Christmas, or Santa if you prefer, but there's another part of me that's actually quite relieved. That probably sounds a bit harsh but I have my reasons. Amy finds it very difficult to keep a secret. Surprises at Birthday and Christmas aren't a good idea as she can't cope with the not knowing aspect. If someone is coming to the house, she has to know the exact time they will arrive, and if they're late all hell breaks loose. And don't get me started on what she's like if they don't turn up.

When she realised that the tooth fairy was really me with a purse she was quite traumatised. It was something she didn't want to know and probably could have gone on believing for ever. But I was lying to her. Every time I put that money under the pillow I was playing a game, and a very confusing one for a child like Amy. That's why a part of me will be relieved when she no longer believes in Santa. Oh, don't get me wrong, the magic and the wonder of it all is beautiful and I love it like any child does. It concerns me when she does find out the truth, that she will think I'm a liar. I've been buying presents all these years, wrapping them up in secret wrapping paper, then tip-toeing into the lounge with Santa's sack before putting the mince pie back in the box and drinking the orange juice (there's no sherry in our house and I get heartburn). I feel guilty. But I know I shouldn't. I really know that this is all part of growing up and giving a child a dose of magic to enjoy just once a year.

Every time Amy asks, "is Father Christmas watching me?", I cringe and think about what to say. If she's being challenging I usually say, "yes, he is." And if she's being good I'll just say, "he could be, so stay nice." She has this image of him watching all the children in the world through a crystal ball. Mine, to be precise. I haven't let her think otherwise because again, I think this all adds to the magic of Christmas. But I know I'll be relieved when I can finally say, "me and dad bought all those," and she'll not question how Father Christmas managed to get a new bike down the chimney.


This post by Not Supermum was lovely to read, and inspired me to tell you about my own thoughts.

Don't Burn Ya Bum, Santa

I'm taking part in Mocha Beanie Mummy's Silent Sunday

Icy Smiles

Amy and I took the dogs for a short walk on Saturday afternoon. The sky wasn't looking fantastic so we thought we should get our skates on and venture out, dodging the ice. It was bitterly cold, but beautiful at the same time, so beautiful in fact, that I didn't feel the cold because I was too busy smiling at the joy of fresh air in my lungs. The dogs, as always, enjoyed themselves; their fur coats protecting them from the freezing temperatures. When we arrived back at the house the snow came. And my smile turned into a frown. However, I took some photographs of which I'd like to share with you. The first two are taken with the macro lens, and, if I might say so myself, I'm pretty chuffed with them.

Amy found this piece of ice on the ground, shaped like a door knob.

Pretty, isn't it?

Field of ice rinks. The ground is solid; crops haven't had a chance to grow.

The farm standing proudly on its hill; grey sky threatening.

Meggie had seen something in the hedge.

Amy says, "Hi!"

The bird table outside the kitchen window (glass reflection). You can just see a beautiful robin on the wall.

Silence of the Lambs

We found four dead lambs buried underneath the snow last weekend. Amazing it was only four to be honest. I was quite shocked when the Farmer told me he'd found them but then what can you expect. The snow was four foot deep in some places, particularly where it had drifted, and the smaller lambs wouldn't have stood a chance. They would have lay down to rest over night, and never woken up.  Of course, from a farmer's point of view, we have lost money, depending on how plump and well-conditioned the lambs were, it could have been up to £80 per lamb. However, it's a sad thought to think that a living creature couldn't be saved in treacherous conditions.

One of our pet lambs from this year, Frame, named by Amy, now lives in the field with the others.

Early April 2010, Amy with Frame

She'll be used as a breeding ewe in 2012. When the Farmer goes to feed them all in the field each morning and afternoon, Frame always runs towards him. She still loves being stroked and he feeds her by hand, even though she now lives with the flock. She might not give us the best lambs when she does breed, but I insisted on keeping her.



Another pet lamb from 2006, Roy, died a few weeks ago. I haven't told Amy. She hasn't talked about him for a while so I've decided not to mention it.

In 2006, Rob & Roy being fed by Amy

Please Vote For Me!!!

I'm really excited today! Not in a "I-need-to-take-a-cold-shower" kind of way, but because I have been kindly nominated for the British Mummy Bloggers Brilliance in Blogging Awards. I am listed under the "Inspirational Blogger" category. If you click on this link Best Inspiration Blogger 2010, then scroll down until you see my name listed, Crystal Jigsaw, and just tick the box. It's very easy to do! I feel so proud about this because I've worked really hard this year on the book and I feel my writing has improved over the past twelve months. Not least because of my wonderful editor, Nicole Scheller, but because of my love for the written word, and of course you, my blog audience.

If you can't find me on that link, please just click on the BMB Brilliance in Blogging badge in my side bar, then go to finalists, it's really easy and it's just over there....>>>>> many thanks x (sorry, my technical skills are rubbish!)

I'm not sure what 2011 will bring, apart from an empty bin and clear roads, hopefully, but I'm very determined to push my book forward and submit it to as many agents and publishers as is possible. I know it won't be an easy process but it's something I'm looking forward to doing; another challenge in my forever challenging life. I'm also going to go down the short-story route, try to get some stories published and get my name known. I have also been thinking about collating some of my paranormal blog posts, many from earlier times, into book form and self-publishing them. It's something I've been thinking about for a while and when my good friend and author, Lorraine Holloway-White suggested it would be a good idea after the success of her own book, I'm inclined to agree. So I intend to make 2011 an improved year; I can't guarantee no illnesses, nor can I guarantee success, but I can guarantee that I'll try harder than I've ever tried before and hopefully find myself signing a few books in the process.

Balancing The Way Forward

I did something this week that I vowed never to do. But they drove me to it. I rang Calor Gas for the third time in seven days to enquire where our gas supply was. We have been running rather low recently, and with the weather turning extremely cold it has been necessary to have the heating on. Excuse after excuse was given, mainly about the state of the roads through the snow fall, the backlog of clients and then the fact that we weren't classed as priority. And that was when I saw red and decided to break my vow. Staying as polite and calm as I could manage, I told the lady on the phone that there are two people with disabilities living in this house and I was becoming increasingly worried about the lack of service. The cost of gas has shot through the roof these last few months and, amazingly enough, they are always on time sending out the invoices. Sometimes, one just has to resort to desperate measures, and my own disability came into the equation.

I don't think of myself as having a disability; epilepsy is a neurological condition that can be controlled, but getting a virus such as flu, pneumonia or anything else that can be triggered by poor conditions can put a person with epilepsy at risk. But that was just half the story. The disgusting level of service we have experienced in this county during the past month has surpassed the lowest expectations of anyone trying to live a normal life. It's time to make a stand and stop making-do. We're almost in 2011, not the 1950's, and it's about time our government realised that people in rural communities do actually exist. I often wonder if enough of us complain about the poor levels of service in this country, and the fact that tax payers are continuously forking out for every Tom, Dick and Harry to sit comfy on their leather sofas watching Sky telly, whilst sponging off the state. Then again, I wonder whether complaints would be taken seriously; would it really matter if we were to unite like the student protesters did last week, throw bricks at cars and smash priceless monuments to smithereens? There has to be a balance somewhere.

p.s. The gas wagon turned up at 7.30 this morning. Perhaps breaking my vow was needed after all.

My Special Day

When I was a little girl, I used to wake up on the 13th December in a state of overwhelmed excitement. It was the one day of the year that was saved just for me. Going to bed on that night was always something I dreaded, knowing I would have to wait another year before my special day came round again. A year in the life of a child tends to be such a long time, yet as adults, the same length of time feels like a fraction of the twelve months it really is. A lot has happened during the past year, but it really doesn't feel like a full 365 days since I last woke up on the 13th December to hear the two people I love most in the world say to me, "Happy Birthday."

I don't want to be a child again, those days are many years behind me. It would be nice to think time didn't go quite so quickly, that occasionally it stood still and allowed us to take a step back from reality. Perhaps it could even hold our hands and take us back along the paths we once tread. There would be so many times where nostalgia would surprise us, reminding us of a once longed for dream to come true. Forty-one years of my life, all wrapped up in balloons and banners, stuck together with four decades of memorable events. I like being an adult, being able to look back on the previous years when Amy came into my life, and when I met the Farmer. I'll never stop being that little girl I once was, but I'll always be the adult who is able to remember those wonderful 13th December days.

The Brightest Star

Perhaps more so since I became a mum, I have always looked forward to Christmas with eager anticipation and a large amount of youthful excitement. At my age I guess the youth part is a little far fetched but still, it's only once a year and I'm allowed to turn the clock back a few decades. My big intentions to decorate the house last weekend fell by the wayside because of feeling under the weather. This weekend however, I'm feeling a tad better and am determined to bring out the festive baubles and coloured fairy lights, giving the atmosphere a Christmas boost.

My dad used to love Christmas; he revelled in the magic of it and would spend hours getting the lights perfect on the monkey puzzle tree in the front garden. My parents house was always beautifully decorated which is obviously something that rubbed off on me. When I'm putting the lights on our tree I can feel piercing blue eyes watching me, encouraging me to reposition the bulbs in order to get maximum effect. He's always there to help, ensuring the magic lives on through me. When I look around my home at this time of year it brings back those incredible memories, but it also reminds me that my dad hasn't really gone anywhere. The twinkle in his eyes can always be seen on the beauty of the Christmas tree.

Advent Giveaway Draw

First of all, apologies for the delay; I said I would do the draw on Wednesday and it's now Thursday. I've had "man-flu". Starting to recover, though I'm still coughing and spluttering, snurching and blowing my nose for England. I split the draw into four categories; Adult, Children, General & Knights and Castles. Some of you stated a preference for children's books, some for adult, so I thought it would be fairer to do it this way. I was going to record the draw but I didn't think you'd appreciate seeing me choking over the desk so I ask you to trust me instead. There were 60 entries in total, nothing was fixed and each of the ten winning names were chosen at random. I'll be in touch to ask full names and addresses. I want to post the items quickly so please let me have your details as soon as possible. Thank you to everyone who entered.


Knights and Castles book - Mum In The Madhouse

Sticker Books - Steve and Kat

A Puppy for Annie - MumtoJ

Tea Towel - Nihal

Bamburgh book - Becky

Other adult books and remaining Tea Towel - Evelyn Campbell Curtis, Lori, Cathy,  and NanU

Pass The Tissues

I wanted to put my Christmas decorations up over the weekend, but on Saturday morning I came down with a bad cold. It's one of those that makes you feel like doing nothing apart from curling up under the duvet with a good film on the television. I've been living on the usual paracetomol and Lemsip but water and a box of tissues seems to be doing more. At least the sun has been shining even though it doesn't seem to be melting the snow. The council have really shown themselves up again, failing to grit and clear the roads and generally maintain public services.

I have one chapter in the book left to edit and my motivation has waned somewhat. I realise that if I want to get this baby published then I'm going to have to put the work in, but I'm afraid I've lost my mojo. I last saw it whilst sitting at my desk in the office, but I'm finding that activity difficult right now, too.

So, if anyone finds a spare mojo and can send some motivation my way, I'd be ever so grateful. In the meantime, I'll write my Christmas cards and do the giveaway draw which will be on the blog on Wednesday.

Continuous Colour

Once more, Amy proved her autism to me this week. Every year, since she was two years old, I have bought her a Cadbury's Advent Calendar containing a chocolate for every day. They are purple in colour and have a lovely picture on the front, varying from Santa, reindeer and snowmen. One year she had three of them that other people had bought, too. She usually gives me the chocolate on the 13th, which is my birthday, but that's about all I get! This year however, I bought a Thornton's Advent Calendar; same size, different style. She loves Thornton's chocolate which is obviously why I got that one instead.

"Didn't they have any purple ones?" she asked.

I thought for a moment, imagining the shelves stacked with red calendars. "No, just red."

"But we always have a purple one. Why didn't they have any purple ones this year?"

Again, I thought about what she was asking. Then suddenly it dawned on me what she meant. I explained that the previous ones have been Cadbury's and this one is Thornton's. And even though her manners didn't fail her, she won't let me put it in her bedroom. It has to stay in the kitchen and she finds it difficult to look at. Children with autism don't accept change very well; it disrupts their routine which is something they can't live without. I have offered to eat the chocolates for her, but she said, "oh no, mum, I love the chocolate, it's the calendar I don't like." Typical.


I had an overwhelming response on my Advent Giveaway post on the 1st December and will get to work next week. Amy and I will do the draw and I will record it in order to Vlog the results. Also, I have a new and short article published on Mumable. A little rant about the snow!

Advent Giveaway

I thought I'd do a giveaway on my blog. It's to say thank you for your loyalty. I'm not going to insist that you follow me (although I'd love you to if you don't already) but I will ask that you at least say "Hi", so that I know you've popped by. Don't worry about where you live; I've received gifts from bloggers who live all over the world. It's a small place and we're all in it together. So consider it my Christmas gift to you, postage included. Here are my pictures of the gifts I have to give away. I'll pick names at random and will inform you via your blog or Twitter if you're chosen. You're all winners in my eyes; just for being here.

2 x "A Taste of Northumbria" Tea Towels. 100% cotton.

1 x Kids book "100 facts on Knights and Castle", containing hours of fun and learning.

1 x children's story book about Bess, a collie puppy who loves her owner Annie.

2 x Christmas Sticker Books. Perfect for your little artists.

2 x hardbacked books, "Spirit of Northumberland", containing images of places in the county.

2 x beautifully illustrated and informative books about Bamburgh, Seahouses & the Farne Islands.

If you have a preference then please make sure you say in the comments. I'll try and send the children's books to bloggers with children, and obviously the grown up books and tea towels to bloggers who are, well, grown up. I'll do the draw next week when hopefully I'll be able to get to the post office. Once your name has been chosen, I'll need an address to send the gift to. Hope you all enter; just don't forget to leave a comment, however brief, to say you've seen the post. I'd hate for anyone to miss out.