Tuesday, 31 August 2010
Happy Magpie Tales
I have been following the Magpie Tales blog for a while now and have really enjoyed reading poetry and insights which are prompted from a picture presented by Willow. I'm a bit late, as usual, but this particular picture reminded me so much of a little cottage I went to visit in Chertsey in the early 1990's. The cottage belonged to my ex-husband's great-grandmother, and his grandmother (his mum's mum) lived in it until she married just before world war two. It was in a particularly bad state when we went to see it, having been neglected for many years with overgrown plantation surrounding the once extravagant garden and grounds. As we walked through the rooms, empty and oppressive, my ex-mother-in-law became rather emotional as she suddenly stumbled upon what would have been a luxurious bathroom for such a depressed period in our history. Still containing the original cast iron bath, albeit filled with spider's webs, she was able to visualise her own mother as a child, running through the house, enjoying her childhood in those early years. Perhaps the cottage has since been bought and knocked to the ground, an enthusiastic builder making way for pipes and telephone lines instead of the wishing well that could have made dreams come true.
My own house is a grand Georgian edifice with large rooms and high ceilings, doors that would have been unable to fit snugly within the walls of the Chertsey cottage. Yet I see so much history in my home, children running through each room, paled water carried to a deep cast iron bath, a summertime where indoors would have been a rare sight. There will always be a tale to tell about the activity of a life once lived and after remembering that pretty little building on a main road in the south of England, I fondly recall that sweet old lady who once held my hand as she said, "be happy, that is what it's all about".
Monday, 30 August 2010
Caught on Camera
We have friends staying with us for the weekend and we had a lovely walk through the fields on Saturday afternoon. The difference in the weather on Sunday was incredible; gale force winds and intermittent showers, those kinds that get you really wet. Here are a few photographs I took, trying to get something exciting and failing miserably:
Something caught Sparky's attention amongst the straw
And then she dived in to catch the unfortunate creature
Meggie running back to me through the wheat field
The first cuttings of the wheat field, but it's not quite ready to be continued
A close up of wheat
I love this one of Meggie looking towards me on the hillside
The surrounding countryside
Nearly home
Thursday, 26 August 2010
Cries of a Mother
Just like everyone else, we need to make money on the farm in order to survive. Since time began man has eaten meat and therefore had to kill to satisfy his need of hunger. Of course, now our world is better educated to help those who choose not to eat an animal. Being a sheep farmer is my livelihood but it took a while for me to get used to the circle of life as lambs were born within a straw laden stable and nurtured by a protective parent. Together with the arable side of the farm it is how we make our living but there continues to be within me that small motherly instinct when lambs are forced from their mothers and carted off in a large wagon to the auction market. The previous lambing season provided us with many healthy lambs which I knew would have a short life span. And for some that has been the case. During the past few weeks we have sold over a hundred lambs, all of which have been loaded into wagons and taken to their fate.
But the worst part of this exercise is having to separate them from their mothers. This, after all these years, I still find incredibly hard. Being a mother makes us see life differently. That feeling of unconditional love which we carry throughout our child's life can never be taken away as heartstrings are stretched in all directions. These four legged woolly creatures are animals, but they do hear, they do see, and they do feel. Once the lambs are cleaned up and hoarded along tilted board into a huge gaping hole with no grass in sight, the mothers are taken back to the furthest field to ensure they don't find their way back to the yard of which they had no time to say goodbye to their offspring. I stand at the window and watch the Farmer as he herds the unfortunate flock, two collies crouching behind with weapons of sharpened ivory. My back is turned when lorry leaves. I cannot watch. Mothers cry; searching the vast expanse of grassy mounds; for them however, the pain heals, it doesn't take long, and they once more become ewe as they await the arrival of a hungry ram.
But the worst part of this exercise is having to separate them from their mothers. This, after all these years, I still find incredibly hard. Being a mother makes us see life differently. That feeling of unconditional love which we carry throughout our child's life can never be taken away as heartstrings are stretched in all directions. These four legged woolly creatures are animals, but they do hear, they do see, and they do feel. Once the lambs are cleaned up and hoarded along tilted board into a huge gaping hole with no grass in sight, the mothers are taken back to the furthest field to ensure they don't find their way back to the yard of which they had no time to say goodbye to their offspring. I stand at the window and watch the Farmer as he herds the unfortunate flock, two collies crouching behind with weapons of sharpened ivory. My back is turned when lorry leaves. I cannot watch. Mothers cry; searching the vast expanse of grassy mounds; for them however, the pain heals, it doesn't take long, and they once more become ewe as they await the arrival of a hungry ram.
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
What about You?
I've been tagged. It's a while since I've been tagged, probably because I make a useless taggee. But Mum to J tagged me with "7 things about me" tag and here are my answers:
1. I have an obsession with slippers. Currently owning 11 pairs it takes me a while to decide which ones to wear each day.
2. In 1979 I won a little dictionary in a dancing competition aged 10. I kept the dictionary but mysteriously lost it during the 90's. When my dad passed over in 2001, my brother was clearing out his office and found the dictionary in his book cabinet situated behind his desk. I will never let that dictionary out of my sight again.
3. I have bitten my nails ever since I can remember and no matter how many times I have tried to stop, how many coats of 'stop n' grow' I have applied and how many plasters I have gone through, at aged 40 I still bite them.
4. I have a crush on Martin Shaw. I think he is the bee's knee's and if ever he needs an opposite who lives and works on a farm I will be glad to offer my services. For a fee of course.
5. Referring to me, my dad once said, "that girl will marry a farmer". I proved him right many years later even though the only person who saw my dad at my wedding was me.
6. I used to be slim, fit and athletic. One of my biggest achievements was playing squash for the Lancashire ladies team, many years ago. Now I struggle running up stairs and often congratulate myself if I get to the top, two steps at a time, without needing an inhaler.
7. I used to love going abroad, donning a bikini and lounging around all day under a hot sun beside a refreshing pool, then going out at night getting totally hammered and smoking my way through a packet of 20. For the past few years I haven't touched a drop of alcohol and never will again. And the last cigarette I put to my lips was on the 25th July 2001, the day of my dad's passing. When I moved to the farm I had to cope with Jim's smoking, and him smoking 30 a day didn't make it easy. I became one of those annoying reformed smokers as I absolutely loathe it, and have done since I gave up in 2001.
And now I'm all out of things about me. I'm a bit boring really, very unsociable and particularly uninteresting. But I love life and I love my family. And without them I would be a pain in the arse.
Over to you.....
1. I have an obsession with slippers. Currently owning 11 pairs it takes me a while to decide which ones to wear each day.
2. In 1979 I won a little dictionary in a dancing competition aged 10. I kept the dictionary but mysteriously lost it during the 90's. When my dad passed over in 2001, my brother was clearing out his office and found the dictionary in his book cabinet situated behind his desk. I will never let that dictionary out of my sight again.
3. I have bitten my nails ever since I can remember and no matter how many times I have tried to stop, how many coats of 'stop n' grow' I have applied and how many plasters I have gone through, at aged 40 I still bite them.
4. I have a crush on Martin Shaw. I think he is the bee's knee's and if ever he needs an opposite who lives and works on a farm I will be glad to offer my services. For a fee of course.
5. Referring to me, my dad once said, "that girl will marry a farmer". I proved him right many years later even though the only person who saw my dad at my wedding was me.
6. I used to be slim, fit and athletic. One of my biggest achievements was playing squash for the Lancashire ladies team, many years ago. Now I struggle running up stairs and often congratulate myself if I get to the top, two steps at a time, without needing an inhaler.
7. I used to love going abroad, donning a bikini and lounging around all day under a hot sun beside a refreshing pool, then going out at night getting totally hammered and smoking my way through a packet of 20. For the past few years I haven't touched a drop of alcohol and never will again. And the last cigarette I put to my lips was on the 25th July 2001, the day of my dad's passing. When I moved to the farm I had to cope with Jim's smoking, and him smoking 30 a day didn't make it easy. I became one of those annoying reformed smokers as I absolutely loathe it, and have done since I gave up in 2001.
And now I'm all out of things about me. I'm a bit boring really, very unsociable and particularly uninteresting. But I love life and I love my family. And without them I would be a pain in the arse.
Over to you.....
Sunday, 22 August 2010
Harvest Festival in the Sun
Not wanting to speak too soon, I want to shout from my farm house roof top, "Summer's here!" "And it's about time," shouts back one very excited Farmer from his combine. Having been sat in the shed since last September, the monstrous John Deere has finally been set free. Engine roars into action, wheels turn, header bar lowers and barley is cut. Harvest is so romantic. Farmer and machine sail upon an ocean bed; golden sun sets on distant horizon; they gaze into eachother's eyes as moonlight appears, guiding them to familiar shores. I loan my loyal husband out for a few weeks each year reminding myself what a wonderful comment, "like ships passing in the night" really is. I grab the odd five minutes armed with flask and tin-foiled bait, as the jolly green giant looks on with attentive eye, eager to take back Farmer; fed, watered and raring to continue a summer romance.
Amy and I couldn't resist a walk through the fields yesterday; dogs in our sight, wind in our hair, sun on our faces. It was one of those times which will go down in my little book of historic joyfulness, an hour of peaceful pleasure. As we walked in tall grass, only the distant purr of Bessy could be heard as she minced through crop, triumphant at her catch. Molly proudly tottered along behind us, tail of an unfortunate mouse dangling from her mouth, a tiny squeak as it inhaled its final fill of fresh Northumberland air. We marvelled at the blue skies, a scattering of clouds unable to threaten this glorious day. We laughed when Sparky tumbled head first into an unseen ditch. We held hands, swinging our arms, a spontaneous stop for a quick embrace. I took many photo's, mostly of my beautiful daughter but some of the incredible landscape and the panorama we have at our finger tips.
Amy and I couldn't resist a walk through the fields yesterday; dogs in our sight, wind in our hair, sun on our faces. It was one of those times which will go down in my little book of historic joyfulness, an hour of peaceful pleasure. As we walked in tall grass, only the distant purr of Bessy could be heard as she minced through crop, triumphant at her catch. Molly proudly tottered along behind us, tail of an unfortunate mouse dangling from her mouth, a tiny squeak as it inhaled its final fill of fresh Northumberland air. We marvelled at the blue skies, a scattering of clouds unable to threaten this glorious day. We laughed when Sparky tumbled head first into an unseen ditch. We held hands, swinging our arms, a spontaneous stop for a quick embrace. I took many photo's, mostly of my beautiful daughter but some of the incredible landscape and the panorama we have at our finger tips.
Today the sun has once again shone. I think we might be in for a good summer. Perhaps. It is a very busy time but I always find time to think, reflect on my life as it now stands, wonder about my future, about Amy's future, about the farm. Bessy is getting old. Compared to neighbouring combines she is small and passed her use-by date. She no longer hears comments of "Wow" and "what an amazing machine." If only..... If only.....
But the romance continues. A stop for fuel, bait and brew then back to the field. Back to finish where man and machine began; where engine ticks over as dust gathers; where corn is collected as dreams invent. Maybe this year the crop will pay. Perhaps Farmer and machine will part on good terms as Farmer introduces me to his new ship, the one which takes him on a journey to his romantic harvest.
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Pamper Days
I'm so excited; I've booked a two night stay at a spa hotel for myself and a good friend, total indulgence and relaxation. It's to coincide with a meeting I've set up to look around a boarding school for autistic children. I haven't a clue what the school will be like but I'll be gathering all my information together before I go. I have plenty of time to meet with the officials beforehand as we don't go until November but I like to be organised. But let's get back to the spa. The past few years have seen me expand at all corners and even though the cleavage department is something I've always wanted, the huge backside, tree-trunk legs and oddly shaped tummy are not. I know I should do something about it but I don't. I walk the dogs of course, and charge up and down stairs after Amy (and other things) but a few sit ups might help, as might some power-walking or whatever it's called. My friend might get a shock when she sees the size of me in a swimsuit as she is slim and rather svelte. But, as I keep telling everyone, it's what's inside that counts, not the calories.
If you want to see the hotel we're staying at here's the website: Hotel. Amy's going away that week which gives me time to chillax and wind down somewhat, the perfect time to pamper myself, non? The Farmer will be staying at home of course and I imagine will spend a few days lounging in dirty plates and sheep muck, but I won't be here so I guess I won't be able to nag.
This photo of Bonnie is for a beautiful dog called, George, who's mum blogs as Country Girl. I think they would have made a perfect couple in another life.
If you want to see the hotel we're staying at here's the website: Hotel. Amy's going away that week which gives me time to chillax and wind down somewhat, the perfect time to pamper myself, non? The Farmer will be staying at home of course and I imagine will spend a few days lounging in dirty plates and sheep muck, but I won't be here so I guess I won't be able to nag.
This photo of Bonnie is for a beautiful dog called, George, who's mum blogs as Country Girl. I think they would have made a perfect couple in another life.
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
Very Much Alive
I simply wasn't tired. It's not like me to stay up after midnight, I usually turn the light out at 10.30 and occasionally get woken by the Farmer, but we won't go there. However, Sunday night found me wide awake, engrossed in Waking the Dead and wondering if I would ever get any sleep. Not to mention wondering what state I would be in on Monday morning. The Farmer was flat out; his day on the tractor had worn him out and his pleasant dreams of ploughing and sheep were whizzing through his mind like the cutter blades of a combine. Amy was asleep in her bed at the other side of the house, the landing lamp left on for those unexpected needs, the house peaceful. It was about 12.15 when I sat up and concentrated on the activity on the staircase.
Someone ran down the stairs. It wasn't even quietly which is why I thought it was Amy. But upon investigation she was lying in her bed, tucked up under a duvet and probably dreaming about a trip to Florida. I went back to the stairs. All was quiet. The atmosphere was calm, a peaceful aura of satisfaction surrounding me as I sat upon the stairs waiting for whoever had made their way down to realise they had my attention. But no one came. I went back to bed and continued to watch the television, albeit now on edge as tattoos and heavies threw themselves around the picture, my concentration having waned. Activity on the stairs, and around the house, has recently been quite busy but that was the loudest I've heard for a while.
Someone ran down the stairs. It wasn't even quietly which is why I thought it was Amy. But upon investigation she was lying in her bed, tucked up under a duvet and probably dreaming about a trip to Florida. I went back to the stairs. All was quiet. The atmosphere was calm, a peaceful aura of satisfaction surrounding me as I sat upon the stairs waiting for whoever had made their way down to realise they had my attention. But no one came. I went back to bed and continued to watch the television, albeit now on edge as tattoos and heavies threw themselves around the picture, my concentration having waned. Activity on the stairs, and around the house, has recently been quite busy but that was the loudest I've heard for a while.
Monday, 16 August 2010
Photo Shoot
I haven't published some photographs on here for a while so thought I'd do a little photo post of some taken recently using my new BlackBerry phone. There's one fault with my BB, and that is the keys. They are far too small for my clumsy fingers; Shrek would have real problems.
Amy and me on an beautiful walk around the fields on Sunday afternoon
A close up of a butterfly, thought it was pretty good saying it's only a camera phone
The field of oil seed rape that the Farmer is currently cutting
Cool Meggie
My mum and me (don't tell her I've published this!)
Stormy clouds, I love this picture as it reminds me of a painting, with Bamburgh Castle in the centre of the landscape
Amy took this of me; I think I look like Jordan, on a mission
The dogs were playing with the ball; guess who's boss?
Saturday, 14 August 2010
Being an Impostor
First of all, thank you for all your helpful and supportive comments left on my previous post about special schools. Even after seven years of dealing with Amy's autism there is something new to learn every single day. Boarding school is very much an option and I will fight all I can to get the right place for her. I hope you will stay with me on my journey because your advice, suggestions and endless support is a great comfort to me. So thanks, consider yourself appreciated.
As members of the FarmWatch Scheme we receive emails and notifications of any suspicious happenings within our area. Recently, there has been a telephone scam pitched on various businesses, of which many are farms, telling us that a new publication is due to be delivered later in the year and Northumbria Police are asking local businesses to buy an advertising space wishing their venture every success. Their venture being to get young people off the streets and have various clubs open to them, therefore reducing underage drinking, and all the usual trouble that society is plagued with. I received a phone call from these so-called members of Northumbria Police on Monday morning. I was pretty taken aback to be honest, and very unwilling to part with any cash. Their biggest advert costing £255, the middle sized one £195 and the smallest one costing £145. Quite expensive I thought. I told the very persistent and somewhat friendly voice that I wasn't interested and was in no way going to agree to anything on the phone, which would have meant me giving bank details and possibly credit card details. I asked the guy's name, asked him to spell it then asked for his shoulder number as he had told me he was a police man. But then he said, "right then, Mrs Brown, I'll give you a call next year, thanks, bye", and with that he was gone. I was of course extremely suspicious and told my friend who works for Northumbria Police, who did actually confirm that it had to be a hoax. Later on in the week I received an email from our FarmWatch Scheme organiser to say many calls of the same nature had been received and the police force do not advertise for business in this way. Therefore it was a classic hoax. Why don't these tossers get off their arses and get a job. They really are the pits of society. And very stupid if you ask me, thinking they could get away with pretending they were police.
As members of the FarmWatch Scheme we receive emails and notifications of any suspicious happenings within our area. Recently, there has been a telephone scam pitched on various businesses, of which many are farms, telling us that a new publication is due to be delivered later in the year and Northumbria Police are asking local businesses to buy an advertising space wishing their venture every success. Their venture being to get young people off the streets and have various clubs open to them, therefore reducing underage drinking, and all the usual trouble that society is plagued with. I received a phone call from these so-called members of Northumbria Police on Monday morning. I was pretty taken aback to be honest, and very unwilling to part with any cash. Their biggest advert costing £255, the middle sized one £195 and the smallest one costing £145. Quite expensive I thought. I told the very persistent and somewhat friendly voice that I wasn't interested and was in no way going to agree to anything on the phone, which would have meant me giving bank details and possibly credit card details. I asked the guy's name, asked him to spell it then asked for his shoulder number as he had told me he was a police man. But then he said, "right then, Mrs Brown, I'll give you a call next year, thanks, bye", and with that he was gone. I was of course extremely suspicious and told my friend who works for Northumbria Police, who did actually confirm that it had to be a hoax. Later on in the week I received an email from our FarmWatch Scheme organiser to say many calls of the same nature had been received and the police force do not advertise for business in this way. Therefore it was a classic hoax. Why don't these tossers get off their arses and get a job. They really are the pits of society. And very stupid if you ask me, thinking they could get away with pretending they were police.
Thursday, 12 August 2010
Special Needs Scandal
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, about Amy and either a need for some much needed manners or that our ideas about boarding school might come to fruition sooner than we anticipated. Academically she's doing fine, albeit with a large amount of support, a good school and an inquisitive mind. But this week, and not for the first time, I have noticed how poor her social skills really are when her "BFF" has been for a sleep-over. The friend is adorable; she's patient, softly spoken and a well mannered ten year old who has, without a doubt. got a very bright future ahead. I keep hoping the friend will have some kind of influence on Amy but it doesn't seem to be the case. Amy speaks to her friend terribly; she's rude to her, abrupt with her and has absolutely no patience yet the friend comes back for more, much to my gratitude, and surprise.
And so I found myself scouring the Internet recently for a) special needs boarding schools in the north of England, and b) boarding schools for autistic children, again in the north of England. The results were pitiful. There are some of course but the fees are so astronomical that we would have to take out a small mortgage to get her through the next five years of her life. We're talking around £15-20k per annum. I appreciate they may be worth it, but on a farmer's wage it isn't easy. But what I do know is that she needs something to help her with the extremely poor social skills she appears to have. It is something I will be speaking to the school about in the near future as I am sure they will help me, but for my sake as well as Amy's, the respite of a boarding school will probably do us both good. Autism isn't an easy condition to cope with; one day she will be my best friend, giggling with me, wanting to spend time with me, and the next day she will hate me; her rudeness pushes me to the limits and with my new found grumpiness (not just in the morning as the Farmer would point out) which is due to my new medication according to the consultant, it doesn't bode well for a happy atmosphere. But I can't help thinking as I'm sure other parents of children with special needs and autism will too, that to have to fork out £20k to send our child to boarding school because they need a greater support than is currently on offer is absolutely scandalous.
And so I found myself scouring the Internet recently for a) special needs boarding schools in the north of England, and b) boarding schools for autistic children, again in the north of England. The results were pitiful. There are some of course but the fees are so astronomical that we would have to take out a small mortgage to get her through the next five years of her life. We're talking around £15-20k per annum. I appreciate they may be worth it, but on a farmer's wage it isn't easy. But what I do know is that she needs something to help her with the extremely poor social skills she appears to have. It is something I will be speaking to the school about in the near future as I am sure they will help me, but for my sake as well as Amy's, the respite of a boarding school will probably do us both good. Autism isn't an easy condition to cope with; one day she will be my best friend, giggling with me, wanting to spend time with me, and the next day she will hate me; her rudeness pushes me to the limits and with my new found grumpiness (not just in the morning as the Farmer would point out) which is due to my new medication according to the consultant, it doesn't bode well for a happy atmosphere. But I can't help thinking as I'm sure other parents of children with special needs and autism will too, that to have to fork out £20k to send our child to boarding school because they need a greater support than is currently on offer is absolutely scandalous.
Wednesday, 11 August 2010
Once Upon A Feeling
I think we've all been there at some time in our lives but the word jealously is often regarded as a taboo subject when we get older. We like to think we won't be jealous of anyone; having a better car, living in a bigger house, having that perfect lifestyle, being successful. Even being envious isn't a particularly nice way to be but it beats being jealous in my book any day. Liz at Living with Kids wrote a poignant post about her friend who seems to have carried a jealous streak throughout her life, perhaps missing out on being content with her own existence and possibly being unable to see how others may envy her lifestyle. Such a shame yet so common at the same time. When my late father-in-law was alive, as some of you know, I had a somewhat difficult relationship with him, mixing his ways and mine being almost impossible to do. I was dealing with learning about autism after learning about Amy's diagnosis and trying my best to stay happily married while having a sarcastic old man constantly bullying me and stripping me of any confidence I brought to Northumberland. The Farmer meanwhile, going through much worse as he tried to run the farm and have orders continuously thrown at him day after day. But, despite those difficult times, we were (and still are) incredibly happy. I had everything, yet I didn't realise it because all I could see was a bitter and cantankerous old man who wished he was dead.
I spent the occasional weekends at my sister's who then lived in Dublin with her ex-husband. She lived in a beautiful home with expensive furniture and luxurious fittings. Her clothes were always designer and she wore platinum diamond rings of which her ex had bought for her. They had property and she had a well-paid job, he had his own business and together they were loaded. I used to arrive at her house thinking how lucky she was and how I wished I had all those material items dotted about her extravagant house. I guess you could say I envied her. I wasn't jealous because I have always been happy but I would arrive home and feel low at having Jim grind me down, at the way I hardly saw the Farmer and at having to share our precious time with his dad.
And then, one day a few years ago, my platinum clad sister moved back to England, her marriage broken down, her happiness having been tested. She has lived with our mum ever since and even though she isn't unhappy anymore, she often feels low. She loves visiting us at the farm, a freedom that she craves. She looks around at the countryside and breathes in the delights of contentment. Since Jim passed three years ago, mine and the Farmer's lives have improved dramatically and appreciating everything around us comes as second nature. I so want that for my sister. I love her so much and even though she may never have those material treasures that once graced her life, I want to see her as settled as I am; I want her to experience contentment as I know it. And I want her to look forward to leaving the farm after a visit, instead of feeling low, wondering when fulfilment will take her home.
I spent the occasional weekends at my sister's who then lived in Dublin with her ex-husband. She lived in a beautiful home with expensive furniture and luxurious fittings. Her clothes were always designer and she wore platinum diamond rings of which her ex had bought for her. They had property and she had a well-paid job, he had his own business and together they were loaded. I used to arrive at her house thinking how lucky she was and how I wished I had all those material items dotted about her extravagant house. I guess you could say I envied her. I wasn't jealous because I have always been happy but I would arrive home and feel low at having Jim grind me down, at the way I hardly saw the Farmer and at having to share our precious time with his dad.
And then, one day a few years ago, my platinum clad sister moved back to England, her marriage broken down, her happiness having been tested. She has lived with our mum ever since and even though she isn't unhappy anymore, she often feels low. She loves visiting us at the farm, a freedom that she craves. She looks around at the countryside and breathes in the delights of contentment. Since Jim passed three years ago, mine and the Farmer's lives have improved dramatically and appreciating everything around us comes as second nature. I so want that for my sister. I love her so much and even though she may never have those material treasures that once graced her life, I want to see her as settled as I am; I want her to experience contentment as I know it. And I want her to look forward to leaving the farm after a visit, instead of feeling low, wondering when fulfilment will take her home.
Monday, 9 August 2010
Spies and Growing Up
Do you remember pretending when you were young, or, as some might like to think, when you were little; I like to think at aged 40 that I'm still relatively young (but far from little). Amy is going through that phase now where her imagination takes her into a world of make believe. I dare say she's been going through it for many years but being autistic, that is nothing unusual. The latest fantasy is seeing spies shimmying up and down the drainpipes before they disappear round the house and make their escape over the fields. I have to confirm, with tongue in cheek, that I've seen them and then try to explain that spies do exist but we are hardly likely to see any at the farm. That explanation doesn't help however, when she reckoned one dressed in black was on his way after being discovered by none other than my remarkably observant daughter. It takes me back to a time when I was in primary school, possibly aged around 8 or 9, and a few of us, all girls I hasten to add, decided we had seen some funny goings on in a nearby house which overlooked the playground. One of the motley crew believed a young child was being kept in the house when she should have been at school, yet another was unable to determine whether it was a child or indeed a ghost.
Looking back on those fun times, it goes without saying that I assumed the girl was of an astral plane; perhaps I was so young when I had my first experience of a spiritual nature for I definitely recall seeing a young girl standing by that window, looking rather perturbed at our gathering of nosey parkers. Amy loves to play with her dolls, of which she has a large collection, and her latest toy is a Barbie paddling pool made specifically for miniature dolly dogs to splash about in with a rather over-endowed Barbie sitting on the edge dangling her hinged legs into freezing cold water probably thinking, "Where's Ken?" Being a child should be such a wonderful experience of which my own childhood was. I guess if Amy has seen spies wandering about the farm it's something I have to accept. We had a tooth fairy visit the other day, and let's not forget Santa who spends all year watching over our kids to make sure they are good and deserve the large helping of presents that get carried down the chimney. Unless you don't have a chimney of course, in which case a magic key is required so that Santa can let himself in.
Looking back on those fun times, it goes without saying that I assumed the girl was of an astral plane; perhaps I was so young when I had my first experience of a spiritual nature for I definitely recall seeing a young girl standing by that window, looking rather perturbed at our gathering of nosey parkers. Amy loves to play with her dolls, of which she has a large collection, and her latest toy is a Barbie paddling pool made specifically for miniature dolly dogs to splash about in with a rather over-endowed Barbie sitting on the edge dangling her hinged legs into freezing cold water probably thinking, "Where's Ken?" Being a child should be such a wonderful experience of which my own childhood was. I guess if Amy has seen spies wandering about the farm it's something I have to accept. We had a tooth fairy visit the other day, and let's not forget Santa who spends all year watching over our kids to make sure they are good and deserve the large helping of presents that get carried down the chimney. Unless you don't have a chimney of course, in which case a magic key is required so that Santa can let himself in.
Saturday, 7 August 2010
Blogging and Cuddles
I have my sister and her little girl here for a few days so this has to be a quickie; I keep telling her I don't blog much these days so I waited until she went out with the girls to McDonalds. Yes, I gave up a chance for a Big Mac, blogging must be important to me. I have been browsing Amy's blog and have to say I am completely overwhelmed with the amount of followers she has and the amount of people who commented on her last story. A huge thank you from me for supporting her; encouragement is something autistic children need a lot of and this is just wonderful. I will ask her to write some more stories in the next few weeks while she's off school. If you want to visit her blog here's the link: Amy's Special Stories
My peace and quiet was soon shattered when they arrived back on Thursday, but I was ecstatic to see my baby again, even though she looked bigger than ever. I got a few cuddles and "I love you's" before world war three started, but on the whole they haven't been too bad so far. (She says, touching wood.) Amy had a fabulous time at Grandma's and it seems she ate very healthily, munching apples and grapes and feasting on melon for breakfast. As I have given up chocolate I have a fridge full of it which is intended for Amy. Think that might be part of my giveaway that I was harping on about the other day. For now though, I'll stick to my bottled water and a custard cream. I'll never make a socialite at this rate.
My peace and quiet was soon shattered when they arrived back on Thursday, but I was ecstatic to see my baby again, even though she looked bigger than ever. I got a few cuddles and "I love you's" before world war three started, but on the whole they haven't been too bad so far. (She says, touching wood.) Amy had a fabulous time at Grandma's and it seems she ate very healthily, munching apples and grapes and feasting on melon for breakfast. As I have given up chocolate I have a fridge full of it which is intended for Amy. Think that might be part of my giveaway that I was harping on about the other day. For now though, I'll stick to my bottled water and a custard cream. I'll never make a socialite at this rate.
Thursday, 5 August 2010
A Little Extract & A Toast
If I was a drinker I would crack open a bottle of champagne and toast myself. I finished the first edit of my book this week, and it's taken a long time. Motivation has been something I have had little of, together with
inspiration, but when I realised Amy would be away for a few days I decided to open the file and get it done, once and for all. If I hadn't been ill for the past seven months I would have had it done and dusted by now and maybe on my way to finding an agent, but health had to come first. I feel I have been out of touch with blogging these past few months too, being unable to keep up to date with blogs and having a following that goes up and down like a whore's drawers. I do try, believe me, I really do. I even bought myself a Blackberry so that I could sit watching Eastenders whilst checking a few blogs, but it's not that easy on a small phone, my fingers are rather clumsy so I end up waiting until the next day when I'm on the computer, in my sunglasses!
Having Amy at home of course stops me from blogging too as I am sure it does many people when their children are at home demanding attention and wanting to know what's in the fridge. Not being able to drive will no doubt cause problems when (and if, can't be too optimistic) I have to see someone about a book, but I am hoping my lovely friends will help me out on that score. I thought I would give you a little extract to sample, just a couple of paragraphs to sink your teeth into.
"I stood outside the front door, moonlight struggling to break through the impenetrable clouds. An owl hooted in the distance, her declaration of night being broadcast to the countryside. Bats frantically glided around me, searching for a resting place to hang, seeking a tiny break in the stonework of the house. I could hear the whir of their flight, resonating around me. No one stood before me having just knocked on my door; no being from this earth plane visited me in the late evening. I looked around the front of the house, gravel driveway scrunching beneath my slipper clad feet. My car sat, silent and rested; the hammock seat stood perfectly still, no breeze able to lift it from tired hinges.
I called out, hoping the knocking had been that of an astral being rather than someone hoping not to be discovered. Tuning in to an uncertain atmosphere, my heart racing, eyes dashing from left to right, I realised I was right; astral presence did indeed stand at my front door, waiting to be asked into the house, seemingly unsure as to whether he was welcome into my home. Harold Sharpe held out his hand to me, asking to be led into a warm house, his spirit now fully manifested as clear as seeing his human form before me."
inspiration, but when I realised Amy would be away for a few days I decided to open the file and get it done, once and for all. If I hadn't been ill for the past seven months I would have had it done and dusted by now and maybe on my way to finding an agent, but health had to come first. I feel I have been out of touch with blogging these past few months too, being unable to keep up to date with blogs and having a following that goes up and down like a whore's drawers. I do try, believe me, I really do. I even bought myself a Blackberry so that I could sit watching Eastenders whilst checking a few blogs, but it's not that easy on a small phone, my fingers are rather clumsy so I end up waiting until the next day when I'm on the computer, in my sunglasses!
Having Amy at home of course stops me from blogging too as I am sure it does many people when their children are at home demanding attention and wanting to know what's in the fridge. Not being able to drive will no doubt cause problems when (and if, can't be too optimistic) I have to see someone about a book, but I am hoping my lovely friends will help me out on that score. I thought I would give you a little extract to sample, just a couple of paragraphs to sink your teeth into.
"I stood outside the front door, moonlight struggling to break through the impenetrable clouds. An owl hooted in the distance, her declaration of night being broadcast to the countryside. Bats frantically glided around me, searching for a resting place to hang, seeking a tiny break in the stonework of the house. I could hear the whir of their flight, resonating around me. No one stood before me having just knocked on my door; no being from this earth plane visited me in the late evening. I looked around the front of the house, gravel driveway scrunching beneath my slipper clad feet. My car sat, silent and rested; the hammock seat stood perfectly still, no breeze able to lift it from tired hinges.
I called out, hoping the knocking had been that of an astral being rather than someone hoping not to be discovered. Tuning in to an uncertain atmosphere, my heart racing, eyes dashing from left to right, I realised I was right; astral presence did indeed stand at my front door, waiting to be asked into the house, seemingly unsure as to whether he was welcome into my home. Harold Sharpe held out his hand to me, asking to be led into a warm house, his spirit now fully manifested as clear as seeing his human form before me."
Wednesday, 4 August 2010
Gravel, Bags & Colouring In
We often get delivery men, not to mention wagons arriving at the farm wanting to deliver something or drop something off, having no idea whether they're in the right place. There are three properties within a mile radius, including ours, that bear part of the same house name, so I can imagine it would be a little confusing. But when we get delivery men standing by the gate with their clipboard, telling me they have fourteen bags of gravel to deliver and I tell them it's not for us, they look at me with sceptical eyes, wondering if I really do know the name of my own house. They're just doing their job. And I know where I live. Our farm is clearly sign posted but still I get questioned about the name of my own property. One of these days I shall take whatever they have to offer and be done with it. After all, the invoice won't come to me will it.
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I'd like to thank Emma at Adventures of an English Mum for the lovely London tote bag she sent me, my draw prize of which I'm thrilled with. I really must do a giveaway on here again; any ideas what I can give away?
And I'd like to point you towards a website which has been shown to me called BicKids. It's a fabulous passer of time for our kids to enjoy especially during the summer holidays. There are hundreds of things to do on there, including printing off pictures to colour in, games on the computer, competitions, it really is a fun site for the littlies. And as they have teamed up with the National Autistic Society it makes it all the more interesting for me.
***********
I'd like to thank Emma at Adventures of an English Mum for the lovely London tote bag she sent me, my draw prize of which I'm thrilled with. I really must do a giveaway on here again; any ideas what I can give away?
And I'd like to point you towards a website which has been shown to me called BicKids. It's a fabulous passer of time for our kids to enjoy especially during the summer holidays. There are hundreds of things to do on there, including printing off pictures to colour in, games on the computer, competitions, it really is a fun site for the littlies. And as they have teamed up with the National Autistic Society it makes it all the more interesting for me.
Monday, 2 August 2010
Life Before Creation
Recently, I mentioned in a post about my beliefs in life being mapped out before conception. One or two commenter's were interested in talking about this further and I thought I would do that now. This opinion, purely mine, derives from another belief I have that everything happens in life for a reason. Sometimes we find it difficult to understand that reason; for example, death. My dad passed nine years ago and I still have no idea why. It just happened. But I feel as though I need to find a reason why it just happened. At the time of his passing, I was going through a particularly difficult period in my relationship with Amy's biological father and my dad saw through those difficulties as though he was mixed up amongst them. I spent a long time after his passing wondering if the reason I needed to find lay on my doorstep, i.e. he knew I needed to find happiness not only for myself but for Amy too and moving to Northumberland would have been something I may not have contemplated should he still have been alive. Did he pass over in order to release me? Of course I don't believe that now, it was terribly ignorant of me at the time, but I still feel there is a reason somewhere waiting to be discovered as to why he did have to leave us so abruptly.
We have free will, independence, the ability to come and go as we please; freedom of speech, freedom of choice and a newly discovered equality which women enjoy more of these days. But there are decisions we have made throughout our lives, and there is always a reason why we made the choice. We are all individuals, we all know a different way of life, whether it be deprived or advantaged, extravagant or penny-pinching; we could choose to kill or care, nurture or be self-satisfied, we have the freedom to tour the world, go on holiday, make new friends, and we have the freedom to sit and wait for the world to come to us, to live like hermits, to close ourselves off to a universe of opportunity, love and preparation. But there is always a reason why we make the choices we do and I believe those reasons begin forming before our lives have been created; a reason for our life to be presented however long it may exist.
Over to you....
We have free will, independence, the ability to come and go as we please; freedom of speech, freedom of choice and a newly discovered equality which women enjoy more of these days. But there are decisions we have made throughout our lives, and there is always a reason why we made the choice. We are all individuals, we all know a different way of life, whether it be deprived or advantaged, extravagant or penny-pinching; we could choose to kill or care, nurture or be self-satisfied, we have the freedom to tour the world, go on holiday, make new friends, and we have the freedom to sit and wait for the world to come to us, to live like hermits, to close ourselves off to a universe of opportunity, love and preparation. But there is always a reason why we make the choices we do and I believe those reasons begin forming before our lives have been created; a reason for our life to be presented however long it may exist.
Over to you....
Sunday, 1 August 2010
Sudden Peace & Quiet
There's something mysteriously quiet about the house. My mum and her other half have been here since Thursday and plans went a little skew-whiff when I realised I wouldn't be able to go back with them for a few day's break due to having a business to run and accounts to finalise. However, mum to the rescue offered to take Amy back with her for a few days and my sister will bring her home on Thursday. I've been walking around the house staring at photographs, realising how quiet everything seems. Of course, Amy is normally at school during the day but this feels different. It's like she should be here, watching television or driving me round the bend, but instead I have to find my own entertainment, leaving me a little shell shocked at this sudden tranquility.
A few people have asked me what will I do with myself for the next few days; apart from finalising the accounts, I have a list of things I could be doing, the top one being finishing the final editing of my book. I wasn't expecting to have the house to myself, the Farmer is busy with the harvest and unless someone comes to the back door, the dogs remain quiet, awaiting a throw of the ball or a walk in the fields. I made Amy promise to send me texts, especially before she goes to bed, when I know I will miss her more than any time. It's only four days, but when you're used to having another voice tearing up and down stairs, can-I-haves being constantly requested in ones ear holes and muuuuum's being blasted around the walls, it really does feel quite strange. And then there's talk of boarding school. Each day at a time. Each day at a time.
A few people have asked me what will I do with myself for the next few days; apart from finalising the accounts, I have a list of things I could be doing, the top one being finishing the final editing of my book. I wasn't expecting to have the house to myself, the Farmer is busy with the harvest and unless someone comes to the back door, the dogs remain quiet, awaiting a throw of the ball or a walk in the fields. I made Amy promise to send me texts, especially before she goes to bed, when I know I will miss her more than any time. It's only four days, but when you're used to having another voice tearing up and down stairs, can-I-haves being constantly requested in ones ear holes and muuuuum's being blasted around the walls, it really does feel quite strange. And then there's talk of boarding school. Each day at a time. Each day at a time.
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